Being afraid of going on HRT I think is one reason I stayed an egg so long. I mean, I always wanted my own boobs to play with. But, I was scared of getting attacked for it, or shunned for it by friends and family.

I'm out now, way out. And fully out to myself for only a month. Really looking forward to HRT because I get a lot of looks dressing fem but still having a lot of masculine features. I'm also over testosterone as far as how it affects my mind (very aggressive hormone for me and often overwhelming due to poor male role models and trauma).

But, just over a month ago, before the egg cracked, I wanted to kill myself. Today I feel joyful most days. And I've found a lot of support from a lot of people. The haters seem to mostly stay quite so far. Thankfully, I live in a queer friendly city.

Anything gender-affirming can help though, voice training, wearing nice skirts, calling myself by my preferred name and pronouns in my head or out loud, all of these things help my mental health. And they're all things I'm leaning on to stay in my joy while I wait for my appointment.