I understand. I went through a bad childhood and never had any friends to learn to mask from. I never learned to use a mask to protect myself even. I spent most early days in school away on my own but id be the weirdo people didn't want to play with either.

So when I went to high school I became a huge target because of how I looked, I would have the bullies on my back and go home and get more shit there. I had years of this. I had my nose broken by them and I got jumped for looking queer. For every day I put up with that shit I kept my personality and wouldn't have anyone drive it out of me. Through everything I've been through its been my constant despute my hardships.

I know you have your personality too as much as you've had to mask it, just don't let the bastards grind you down. Do somethibg silly for your partner no matter how small I'm sure it will get easier in time. I hope this helps somewhat.