Like, the amount of times you hear this is mind boggling. And it’s always liberals/“leftists” who say they’re not racist.
“But I just don’t find them attractive.”
You have NOT seen/interacted with literally every single member of that community. How in the fuck can you just broadly say you aren’t attracted to them?
It’s just a preference.
Like, you’re literally saying you don’t find people of a specific race, or from a specific place, or who follow a specific religion attractive. What the fuck kind of “preference” is this? I don’t understand. That’s terfs saying they don’t find “trans” people attractive. No that’s terfs being literal terfs. Stop it.
I’m a POC too! I can’t be racist against my own race!
Yeah, you are being racist against your own race here. I don’t see why you can’t. Candace Owens regularly spreads anti-Black propaganda for her personal benefit. There are countless such examples.
This shit drives me up the wall. And I haven’t even mentioned the amount of times these devolve into arguments about how ___ race/religion is actually bad and people who are a part of it/follow it are bad. So. Many. Times. And said with a straight face too! By people who say they’re not racist or xenophobic. For some reason people think being a POC means you’re immune from being racist/xenophobic. Which just isn’t true.
I’m not saying your bad for feeling this way. A huge part is the culture we’re born in and grow up in. But a sign of maturity is recognising this ingrained racism and getting rid of it.
Sorry, just sometimes liberals get on my fucking nerves.
I am also low on the racial attraction totem pole but due to my skinniness, white facial features, lighter skin and "good hair" I have also been a gateway to many other races when it comes to sexually engaging with black women.
I definitely also think often about my privilege that my looks give me, and how its amplified by the fact that I subvert the hulking, dark skinned black woman stereotype.
I've also noticed that some of my white peers have deemed me less oppressed as a black person (or as someone who enjoys pretty privilege) due to my attractiveness. (obviously colorism and featurism exist and cause lighter poc to be less persecuted but im a very obviously black medium brown skinned woman who seems to be one of these people's few black friends, so regardless they have no say in my treatment in society relative to other black people. also, my lack of relative oppression seems to only be articulated in reference to my looks vs how my looks relate to a criminalization of blackness in america).
This is something that it took a while for me to unpack, but I will say that the privilege of prettiness is diminished/ queered when its a poc being pretty and that sometimes (at least in my experience) white people zero in on you extra because of your looks and perpetuate weird racist and sexist shit based on that, partially due to the shock that youve managed to stumble into their sexual market place.
Anyway thats why im no longer friends with white people
im down to self crit amongst my own black peers but refuse, in a world where im already held hostage by the color of my skin, my gender and sexuality, to be beholden to the random shape of my nose --a nose that is only even pointed because my black lineage has been so colonized
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I have similarly avoided white friends and white dating (although an currently with a white man who ive been with for years, the only white man ive ever dated, who i met away from these intense beauty standards, just us two. I've often described it as "falling in love in the dark").
Whatever you want to do in response to the BS is your perogative!
I spent so many of my college years repressing my sexuality (dressing plain, not talking to any cuties, never hooking up /doing the flirtatious dance in public) because some of my racist white friends at the time made me hyper aware of my "pretty privilege" and i felt weirdly guilty and so embarassed and as a result regulated myself to never put myself out there.
I also noticed that the weirdness of my friends hyped up when I expressed attraction to certain white men who were the campus certified Hot Person Reserved for A Similarly Hot White
Now I realize I was just contributing to a racist/ sexist dynamic where I de sexualized myself in order to make the white women (apologies to my white women but yall have really put my through it) feel more comfortable.
This dynamic has come up especially with hipster white women, who in my experience have issue imagining the way prettiness and unashamed femininity can fit a radical world view.
As a result, a lot of these hipster women seem to purposefully adopt a semi political feiminist aesthetic thats less feminine. They adopt the ella emhoff look / purposefully blunt their sexuality while shutting down my more decidedly feminine sexuality, creating this dynamic of "cool white girl whose so feminist beacause she doesnt care what she looks like vs feminine black jezebel slut woman", without considering cultural and classed versions of feminity and also that expression of femininity is okay within itself.
Or how cis white womanhood is a traditional type of femininity of which their aesthetical subversion will never change, in relation to how black womanhood will always be seen as masc/ as poor / as something to be hurt regardless of how non threatening and feminine I make my aesthetic.
(no offense to ella emhoff, she looks fine, but im talking about the lena dunham rich white girl type that dresses ugly on purpose to queer her cis white feminity but then gets really self conscious when woc/trans/queer women just exist)
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i dont think white features are the only good looking features, as I believe black people in all forms are beautiful and blackness is beautiful. (i also dont actually think I really have explicitly white features but thats for another day, I know I said i did, but i was getting more at how people have read me in order to demonstrate the privileges I am aware that I have based on my looks and to provide a framework for my expereinces being considered an attractive poc ).
In terms of how I conceptualize my attractiveness, i believe i'm attractive (just based on looks, not my sparkling personality or funny jokes) because other people treat me as such, and other people have told me i'm attractive based on my eurocentric features. Accordingly its hard for me to parse whether i think im actually attractive based on my "white features" because i think im still trying to understand my own attractiveness apart from what people have projected onto me. I can tell you specific parts of myself that I find attractive, but tbh ive only been interested in looking at my attractiveness based on how society determines me to be attractive vs how I determine myself to be attractive because its society's understanding of my looks that have caused the heart ache and have even messed with the way I see myself, so how can I even begin to identity the specific ways im attractive to myself???)
saying im good looking based on my white features can imply that I have self hate, but depending on the context it can also imply that I am aware of how i've been regarded in the context of featurism and that that allows me to be deemed "good looking" , but even then, it can also be implied that even if im aware of how im regarded in the context of featurism, ive drank the kool aid because im still determining myself to be good looking, even if what is considered good looking is being interrogated. its a lot to straddle at once.
Sorry if this seems really confusing and contradictory to what ive said before
edit: it would be funny if the incels came out with a questionaire similar to the invisible knapsack where people have to check mark experiences theyve had that lead them to realize that they are a "person of attractive experience" as a way to provide a gap between identifying as attractive because of how people treat you and between how one gagues their own attractiveness based on their own pov)