Permanently Deleted
:this:
Everything you've written, op, applies one way or another to me, and I feel that shit bud. Fuckin sucks ):
It took a good friend sitting me down and telling me that it was ridiculous to weigh my value as a person by abstract things like "smartness" "money" and "being successful"; capitalism has twisted what those things mean, and it fucked up how people view their self worth as a result.
If you are able to, find a job that you don't feel bad going to every day, and one that makes you enough money to feel secure. Don't worry too much about how much "prestige" it holds, because that's petty shit and isn't real. Being a sys admin vs. being help desk doesn't make you a better or worse human being than the guy sitting next to you. Once you have a stable source of income, spend time finding things that do make you feel fulfilled. I make dumb little figurines, play dnd with friends, and bike little loops around my neighborhood. I'm planning a little mini-garden. Creating things, moving my body, making art and enjoying my relationships with people makes me feel like a human being, not having cool titles like astronaut or doctor or something. I'm not knocking people who do find fulfilment in pursuing those professions, but I grew up being told that those were the only things worth doing and that made me a worthy person. Because big bux baybee
My advice is to take just an hour or so to sit down and build a list of things. Things you do daily that make you happy or feel more like a person, or experiences you want to have or skills you want to build just for you. Everyone has their own path, bud (:
I actually got an application form with my copy of Governance of China lol
Everybody makes poor decisions, and from my perspective, none of yours are even close to being unsalvageable or ruining your life or anything.
what would you say is unsalvageable or ruins your life?
You seem to obviously despise at some level the metrics that this capitalist machine has set out for you, and the people around you. I don't think it's something wrong with you or your poor decisions. The internet has just allowed people to have a terrifying amount of inane information at their fingertips, within a neoliberal context. Before all this took off, our frame of context was fairly limited in terms of who we wanted to be relative to others around us. Now you added a thousand friends on Facebook and have to deal with rampant insecurities come out everytime you logon to FB, IG, etc.
Deleting social media will help you immensely. What you should also keep in mind is that there are a tremendous amount of people that are putting up a complete front on social media. I know tons of people, even ones that are legitimately economically successful, that are completely miserable once they log off. It's the high of presenting an avatar of themselves online that keeps them going, yet once you get to talking to them, you recognize that that has become their entire reason for existence - to keep people thinking a certain way about them. The job sucks, the partner or spouse sucks, the mortgage sucks, the car sucks, etc etc.
Honestly just shut it all off and take stock in what you are and what you want to be, not what you purport to be.
Get creative. Do things you want to do. Build a passion. I’m trying to work on my own DND setting and campaign. It’s not ever going to be productive or make value for a boss but it helps me get my mind off of “holy shit you need to be making more money.” Life is about good relationships and enjoying what it means to be human. Find comfort in your connections with others and the simple joys of life. A cup of wine, an episode of Star Trek: these are the things that will bring you joy. Go to the gym. No human being is more valuable than another.
This will probably only make you feel worse but fwiw you a part of a slim global elite in terms of your wealth and prospects
