Have about 66 minutes free waiting in line at the celestial DMV. Fire away.

  • comi [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Are you related to great satan? :very-smart:

      • Woly [any]
        ·
        3 years ago

        Kinda unimpressed actually that you guys let him down there without curing his dementia, ngl

        • LiterallySatan [none/use name]
          ·
          3 years ago

          Reagan is isolated, confused, and horrified. He vaguely remembers he should have power and control, but no recollection of what precisely that power was, only that it is missing. Every day he is subjected to this loop. Every day he is humiliated. He deserves no temporal coherency, only a looping abyss of self-doubt and fear searing with pain.

            • LiterallySatan [none/use name]
              ·
              3 years ago

              The powerful crave control. He will never have that again, only the knowledge that he is broken and his mind will not come into focus. He is aware this is because of his sins, evil, and murder. He blames himself every day and pleads to remember his wife's face. He will never remember her face. He is forced to re-experience the suffering he caused to others in life.

              This is making me want to stop by there on my way home. I haven't tasted his agony in a hot minute.

  • Woly [any]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Why you make the strings disappear into my gym shorts

  • Quaxamilliom [comrade/them]
    ·
    3 years ago

    if you ever decide to fight America, you have my full support, because the US is the greatest satan.

  • Neckbeard_Prime [they/them,he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Hail, Satan. Big fan of your work, especially the literacy and the AD&D stuff. The Democratic Party is pretty hit-or-miss, but to each their own, I guess.

    Anyway, I was just wondering -- when is the new Ghost album coming out?

    • LiterallySatan [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      The Democratic Party is pretty hit-or-miss

      It's perfect torture for left-leaning electoralists. The constant shift right, the compromising before even negotiating, the cold indifference to the lives affected by their inaction... oh god the salt and pain and frustration that stew creates... I literally bottle it. :chefs-kiss:

      when is the new Ghost album coming out?

      Those poor children haven't met their sacrificial quota yet. They will continue to be encased in creative exhaustion until they cave and bring me souls.

    • LiterallySatan [none/use name]
      ·
      2 years ago

      I mix it up, but off the top of my head:

      Morning:

      • Servants make civet coffee. I yell at them until they burn it and then I pour some on them.
      • Feast on the carved remnants of gluttons
      • Shoot up black tar heroin.
      • Smoke
      • Read the Economist
      • Take a heroin and coffee shit on a random fascist (it's a lottery)

      Afternoon:

      • Torture the damned of my choice
      • Spit on Thatcher
      • Smoke
      • Skin someone alive from bottom to top and then rend what's left like an old rotisserie chicken -- Favorites for this: Jerry Falwell or J Edgar Hoover (they both plead to a god who cannot hear them)
      • 15 minute sync with one of the multiple deities I work with.
      • Hot yoga

      Evening:

      • Drink Jäger and Fireball straight from the bottle.
      • Force every American President to dance for me in one big chorus line. I pick them off one at a time with a ballista.
      • I eat one of the survivors alive and make the rest watch.
      • Smoke
      • Review infernal contracts
      • Listen to black metal, hang with Dio (he's an honored guest)
      • Indulge my sweet tooth
      • Chug a gallon of ladnum
      • Sleep
    • LiterallySatan [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      I am doing exactly what I was created to do. Can you really fall if that was the plan from the start? All of those stories give you a portion of the truth, but they're intended to leave you hungry. The point isn't to understand, the point is to suffer until you learn better.

    • LiterallySatan [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      They're great. Gaming culture funnels a lot of souls my way. Gamers damn themselves and it's honestly so easy it's boring.

  • calmextex [none/use name]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Hi, Satan. Big fan! Does the recommendation you gave Bart Simpson once still stand? Lie, cheat, steal, and listen to heavy metal music.

  • sappho [she/her]
    ·
    3 years ago

    As a gay, what sort of accommodation can I expect when I get to hell

    • LiterallySatan [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Easily. They must live every day repeated in the warmth of their grandparents house on Christmas Day.

    • LiterallySatan [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Delightfully miserable. Every time someone pisses on her grave, she gets an acid bath. Pass it on.