Ooh. So there was this guy from my club that I thought is cute and went out on a date with. At the time I was very lonely, was pre-srs and my self-esteem was two floors above the Earth core. He seemed to be fine with my transness, and we also seemed to hit it off, and really really quickly developed a very deep connection. Ok lets get into the problematic parts. He was still married, and because his wife wanted to separate, in the middle of the night he left for another country to give her some space... during which time he fucked everything that moved. He got incredibly clingy real fast, like I struggled to get a day off wher I didnt see him. At the time it was a little annoying but mostly charming. He was into BDSM (and actually introduced me to that, which is probably one of three good things that came out of this), but never really wanted to go to workshops with me. We were technically open, but he broke every single rule of engagement we had, and managed to repeatedly cheat. In an open relationship. He moved in with me early on, and even though he had a job, he was pretty much mooching off of me. He had a violent streak (never abused me, but it was there behind his eyes). Being with him was an absolute emotional roller coaster. When I caught him cheating I wanted to even fix things initially. In any case he absolutely refused to take responsibility or even apologize, or even do the tiniest gesture in showing that he is sorry. It kinda sucks because during the high moments of our relationship I really felt he might be the One for me. I was an absolute mess for more than a year after the breakup (of course COVID isolation and surgery recovery didnt help here). I remember waking up from surgery, and seeing he had sent me some dumb good wishes text and telling him to fuck right off. And it took me a long to recover, it sucked big time, but honestly it was the biggest growing Ive expereinced in my life, and it was partially responsible for my radicalisation - mostly with the realization to really look into the actions of someone, especially when they dont match the words.

eidt: Also for whatever reason everyone ever that ends up being interested in me is either in an open relationship or just broke up with their partner. Sometimes it really gets to me, cause it makes me feel like Im only ever good for being a side piece or a rebound fuck. Why cant I have a normal monogam-ish cool relationship with a stable partner like everyone else :cri: :cri: