https://nitter.net/aprettyPR/status/1733189753523081247
I might not have used the phrase waste of money, but I'm within the same ballpark if I'm asked to do something I don't want to do. I don't want to spend some $60 for a tiktok trend. I'm slow to do activities beyond what I'm already investing my limited energy into. I historically feel like I'm putting forth a lot of energy on top of what I already use to exist to be aware of my partner's presence, making sure we're doing enough together, making sure they're happy, etc. It has historically been and seems like the sort of thinking that your partner should want to do things like this that makes me feel like I'm obviously out of the loop on something. I couldn't imagine wanting a partner to be down for every idea I have and there would be some catharsis in not having the expectation that I drop what I'm doing and open up my wallet for theirs. "I don't want to spend money on this" is a common part of my life - it's something that I'm conversing with myself all the time. I could but I'd be content abstaining. It seems like if "if [he] wanted to he would" is the dynamic, then my partner would be another spinning plate (alongside work, health, social obligations) instead of my fellow plate spinner with their own burdens to satisfy.
The consensus that the boyfriend is being hurtful and obviously a bad partner feels like getting checkmated. How could I ever be a good match for any of those people? How could I ever want to? Because they spend their hard earned money on some cutesy thing for me in return? Like please don't. Where am I going to put it? What if I want to horse around and there's all sorts of fragile shit around? What if we have friends over and now there's shit they need to be careful around? What if there's shit we need but we already spent all our money on shit we don't need? Big expectations around gifts feel like a big burden. "comrade let's go for a walk." "comrade let's cook a meal." "comrade let's have friends over for board game night." "comrade teach me something new." "comrade let's have a deep conversation." "comrade my friends are having a party." are things off the top of my head that would feel much better to drop what I'm doing for and look forward to doing it. The kind of person who would do shit like that with me is the kind of person who I'd go on road trips with, travel, move in with, etc. But the idea that we'd get into fights over some sort of "you should want to do this" and "I don't want to" isn't a good answer would be disqualifying for me and it looks like that's a common attitude.
Everyone is doing it online except us.
There are deeper issues here and this relationship looks doomed.
I've been out of the game for a while, but I think normal relationships don't involve filming yourself asking your partner to buy you like $500 worth of books so you can make tictoks about unwrapping them. In fact I'm like 60% sure the video is staged.
That said, I feel like part of compatibility is having comparable expectations of the kind of life you'll live and the kind of support you're willing and able to offer. I feel like there are definitely couples where there is an understanding that if one person wants to make some over the top gesture or go on an expensive holiday or make a huge purchase or try a really extreme lifestyle change the other person is 100% down at the drop of a hat. That isn't every relationship though, I'd say it's probably not even 1% of relationships. If you would never sacrifice any time or money to support your partner in something important to them, sure, maybe you aren't in a place in your life where a relationship would be a boon, that's OK as well, not everyone needs to be in a relationship all the time. However that isn't the impression I'm getting from your post.
The expectation of support is like all expectations and boundaries in a relationship, something to be established and respected, which can change and evolve throughout the course of the relationship. If there is a serious mismatch then that particular relationship might not work out, but everyone is different.
I think you're falling into the trap of treating social media as a reflection of reality. It's all fake, the people commenting are assumed identities sharing fantasy opinions on a fantasy relationship they experience only through the lens of online content. It's public performance art, don't base life decisions on it.
thank you, comrade. I think I'm still seeing afterimages from my last relationship. It could never hurt to spend less time on social media
No problem comrade, we all need some outside perspective sometimes. Especially with stuff like that video, which I think is doing the rounds in no small part because it plays on peoples insecurities.
I'm sorry but my gut feeling is it's bullshit that someone is acting super hurt that their boyfriend (who seems to be working when they interrupt him) doesn't have to time to do an elaborate arts and crafts booktok advent calendar project that won't be trending anymore in a week, especially when their counter-offer is "let's do the cute project together with all those books you already have and haven't even opened yet and we can make a date night out of it"
The more I think about it the more I think it's staged. Why film it? If he said yes, which would have been the expectation, a video asking for a present cheapens the video where you receive said present. It's also perfect drama fodder, a pretty unreasonable request "buy me an expensive, time consuming present so I can show it off on the internet" but it's shot in such a way that totally centres the emotions of the guy filming "look how sad you made him". It means people will side with both parties and fight in the comments. Wow, such engagement! It even works on multiple levels, people can get mad at how demanding he is in this relationship or how vapid and clout-seeking young people today are in general. It also preys on insecurity, is he a good or bad partner and does that reflect on if you're a good or bad partner? Better defend your view in the comments in case your opinion is declared wrong on the internet.
Honestly just get off of social media. This shits giving you a warped idea of relationships
i just walk people around for a while and make pancakes with them. if you think your partner is contaminated by timtock ziptie and candy wrapper on the door handle people jjust dump them. dont cheat on people youll get caught there arent that many ppl. try to get a lot of omega 3 fatty acids
this shit is absurd get off social media
the comment about someone being with someone for 20 years and divorcing over a bookshelf is crazy too. like how do you not build up a lifelong bond over 20 years
Yeah the person asking is not respectful of the other person and that relationship seems unhealthy.
You can just date somebody normal and not some loser who lets an algorithm define what will make them happy.
Is that a book for each day? That seems excessive.
very expensive too, like each book is 15-30 bucks usually, thats a lot of money
What you're saying is totally reasonable and valid. Spending a bunch of money to show affection isn't the healthiest thing in the world, though I do think it's good to show you care in more meaningful ways.
That being said, I would totally settle for being the little spoon as a Christmas present.
The amount of people who think that online is real life is scarily high. I've got kids under 10 who have watched various kids YouTube shows for a while. A couple years ago they got mad at us that we don't get to open presents all the time like the kids on the Whatever Dumb Bullshit This Is show. We explained that those people are opening all of those presents because the people who make those toys are giving them to the family for free to make other kids feel sad that they don't have them and want to buy those toys. It's an ad to make you want to buy things you don't need and spend money you don't have and always be chasing a kind of happiness that you'll never be able to catch.
It took a little while for it to sink in but when it did they would get pissed off at those videos and shortly after lost interest in that channel. I feel like there is a massive population of young people who grew up and never had that context provided to them, so they buy into manipulative Internet trash as much now as when they were six.
Me and my partner have no idea what to get each other at Christmas and tbh i feel like an ass for asking anything tbh. Exchange of items doesn't really bring me much joy.
A nice present for me would be snuggling up on the sofa under a blanket while he watches me play...... Drakengard :D
Normal relationships have anxiety over the $50 Christmas gift social convention. This advent calendar thing appears to be a consumerist ploy to increase the cost of living for a couple by 31 counts of consumerist trash purchases.
How unfortunate. I won't endorse what the person in the video was asking for, I do recognize that they seemed (I'll presume it was authentic) to be hurt.
I make the same kinds of asks of my partner and their self-esteem has deteriorated as a result. I'm working on managing my asks, I don't want the effect of my interactions, though exciting for me, to be harmful to my loved one.
What I have trouble understanding is—where is the self-reflection for the other people responding to the main video and within the sub-threads to those responses? Why does it seem some cannot acknowledge their actions can have the potential to be unequivocally harmful, even if that was not their intent? Since when has intent been the only criterion to judge one's actions?? It's not as though it appears they judge others solely on their intent, rather it's reserved for themselves.
Are we all emotionally stunted, sensitive, and insecure? I read old letters and I don't see the same sensitivity, not frequently at least. Enough people are affected that it does no good to blame individuals for their tendencies. It's only, I don't know what specifically to bemoan. Platitudes about the social structure and systems we inhabit don't have the immediate relatedness to he satisfying.
