You can do a good bit of CBT work without a therapist. Essentially it's becoming aware of cognitive distortions and combatting those thoughts over and over until it becomes automatic. You already have a voice in your head that shit-talks you all the time - doing this builds a counter voice that defends you and speaks with compassion.

I have also had a lot of difficulty with traditional therapy. I'll edit this comment in a sec with a link to a folder of some of the books I have used to treat myself. Feeling Good is a well known one about CBT, but tbh I have not read it, I learned CBT elsewhere and have found the trauma books in this folder more helpful long term as I have pretty serious mental illness.

edit: Here is the folder