You are a serf. Bitch, you live in Alsace. You are a peasant. You need to give your fuckin' lord the grain. Your fucking children, you've had 15 children. You've never taken a bath. You've literally never. washed. your. penis. You've never used toilet paper. Motherfucker, you have worms. You are dying. You've had 40 children, 3 of them are alive. 2 of them are child soldiers in the Duke's army.
Bitch, the greatest thing you can hope for is to die at the old age of 36. You fucking can't read. You don't know what TV is. If you were transported into today, you would be the worst gamer of all time. You don't know shit. You literally probably don't even know what the direction 'left' is. I'm sure some Medieval guy is gonna get mad at me for this, bitch I've been to the Renaissance Fair. I've eaten a large turkey wing, which the Juggalos call 'bitch beaters', which I think is problematic but a funny thing to call them.
Motherfucker, you gotta recognize where you are, and then you gotta get past that. You gotta be unemotional. You can't sink into this hole. You live in the oubliette. Your job is to crawl up the ladder, motherfucker. You live in the HOLE. You're in the HOLE. You are a RAT. And the rat, when he's in the hole gets fucked. People only throw trash in the hole.
You need to eat a body. And you need to carry the plague. And you need to carry a plague around this whole world, that will change this whole fuckin world. And all your enemies will vomit black bile and will choke on blood and will grow boils and die. But only if you get together with your other RATS. And you come up with some kind of super plague, to fuckin end your enemies and...
End. This. Nightmare.
Actually, the whole "36 was old age in the Middle Ages" thing came about due to bad statistics. Life expectancy was low because of all the child mortality. Once that was adjusted for, you would often live into your 60s and beyond if you made it through childhood.
not to actually your actually but it's not really that far off (cite: I used to be an archaeologist and dealt with plenty of premodern european human remains). While it's true that people often did live into their 60s and that the average lifespan was brought way down by infant/early-childhood mortality, plenty of the remains are in their 30s, 40s or 50s. Before the early modern period a 50 year old would probably have been considered elderly, particularly if they weren't rich.
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Info from pre agricultural humans is biased in a similar way due to something called "dental explosion". Essentially, you can tell how old someone is based on how grown their teeth are. But when they are 35 or so, their teeth don't grow anymore. So lots of times they find a body and age it as "35 or older" and then the "or older" part is lost at some point through retellings in the media.
Also, medieval people bathed.
there was an actual decline in bathing but that was from 1500-1800. Doctors were declaring bath houses vectors for the plague, syphilis and everything else
Oh shit! TIL. I guess we should make fun of Early Moderns for not bathing then, not Medieval people