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I sometimes really want to emigrate. I'm not sure if this site and a few others have brainwashed me with communist brainworms but I can't help feeling that this country just sucks ass. I don't like the people all that much, I don't like the weird racialized dynamic, I don't like being treated differently just because of my skin color despite pledging allegiance to the same stupid flag everyone else did everyday

Like just thinking about not having health insurance in a few months because of no longer being covered by my dads plan is like, what the fuck. I want to try to get diagnosed with ADHD and I basically won't because I put it off so long not realizing I may have it. My older brother insists that I don't actually need health insurance, and that the USA has more freedoms than Europe and that everything south of the border is basically a savage wasteland because "Mexicans are quitters" and all this other shit insisting that racism isn't real and that Mexican Americans are just brown white people and you just gotta act white.

It's late and I can't collect my thoughts all that great, but as I get older there's just so many things that piss me off. The overall attitudes towards the poor, including towards themselves (my older brother blaming my parents poverty on poor choices as opposed to both of them being raised by illiterate parents in 3rd world slums and then immigrating to this dump), the weird bootstraps rhetoric, the weird loneliness despite how fucking crowded it is here sometimes, the unwillingness to do anything positive ever because I mean you just can't...

The rest of the West doesn't seem much better in that regard, nor does anywhere else really since capitalism is essentially world dominating but I've just been deeply disillusioned by the last two years, and I was already growing increasingly unsatisfied before that. I would just sit in traffic on the way to school and think, "is this all there fucking is? Just sitting in my car and going to some shitty job that I don't even like?"

I kinda just want to leave but sometimes when I think about all this communism shit I think I've just gone completely off the deep end. TrueAnon? Citations Needed? Alan Dershowitz? Allende? The Right to Be Lazy? C-M-C? Adrian Zenz? are any of those things real?

I genuinely hate working. I'm a bit strange in that I have some views that would be considered idealist but like, why does no one else seem as ridiculously unhappy with this whole country and way of life as I am? Ever since I started working, I've always thought: "Does everyone just accept the fact that we're meat-robots who will pass into a dreamless night after working the drive thru for FORTY FUCKIN YEARS?"

Does no one ever stop to like think about what it means to be human? All of this seems insane to me. Most people seem to be happy here. They have freedom, there is no authoritarian regime watching our every move and there is a McDonalds on every street corner. Am I the insane one?

I think I'm too emotional, too bleeding heart. I think I should follow my brothers advice and finish my degree and just accept that some people make bad choices and should be condemned to suffering for the rest of their brief lives, and never question my own station or relation to this weird structure that seems to have always been here.

in Limmy voice

Ah don't get it.

  • BoxedFenders [any, comrade/them]
    ·
    3 years ago

    I'd love to, but the only language I can confidently communicate with is English and there's no point uprooting just to move to another mediocre colony in the Anglosphere (although New Zealand seems captivating, but their immigration policy is too selective for my substandard qualifications). So I guess I just have to rot here in the festering corpse that is The Land of the Free.

    • emizeko [they/them]
      ·
      3 years ago

      don't be discouraged by a new language, they're so fun! the secret is letting go of the fear of saying something wrong or messing up and just trying to use it as much as possible, the way kids do

      once you're immersed and have to function you'll totally get it