This is literally an adultswim sketch, "smart pipe". Is this satire?
The world turned to satire while no-one was looking. Further proof we live in the stupidest simulation :joker-shopping:
The article was written by Emine Saner.
I'm losing sanity points reading this.
After cop Derek Chauvin, State Department functionary Anne-Marie Slaughter, journalist Karen Swallow Prior and police commissioner Danielle Outlaw I'm completely certain that we live in a satirical book.
Loo design has barely changed in 150 years
yeah it did it's called a bidet
That was a thing? I'm against that. People who are stealing toilet paper probably need to wipe their asses.
Some motherfucker really watched “Smart Pipe” from adult swim and thought, “what a fucking amazing idea”
In emergency the most important first step for abdominal issues was getting blood, urine, and faecal samples. Blood will tell you everything, but the latter two contain so much valuable data in pinpointing which organs are affected. If you catch some of those things early you spare yourself surgery. For demographics like geriatric patients or psych where their mental status is altered, they don't usually vocalise things like kidney/bladder/yeast infections until it's a life-threatening issue. Being able to detect blood/protein/sugar in the urine or blood in the faeces passing through a smart toilet would probably be one of the most useful things that could be put in a home/hospital room.
Anonymised medical data collection is probably less of a privacy threat than carrying my smartphone around. The utility gain is worth it. Even without advanced stuff like culturing gut flora or detecting colon cancer/parasites/pregnancy it'd be so valuable for getting an early warning of something starting to go wrong just from basic lab value checks. And if you're shitting just 15 or 20 times per day you'll know almost within the hour that it started happening.
And if you’re shitting just 15 or 20 times per day you’ll know almost within the hour that it started happening.
:what-the-hell: how often do you shit comrade
Oof, there's a question. I lose count when I start passing out. And do you want toilet shits or all of them?
Okay, but why do they need to collect the data? If the sensors can detect these things well enough to send meaningful data off to some Fecal Bureau of Investigation, why can't the toilet just do the analysis locally and print out a little post-dump receipt with your numbers and then you can follow up with your actual doctor?
That'd be the ideal implementation in my opinion, but I'm a Cybersen guy. The more data you have to work with the greater your level of affectation. Biomedical data can inform public health decisions on things like disease outbreaks, parasites, and lab values. That's the most non-invasive form of gathering it without voluntary submissions by doctors, but they're only gathering data from patients who actually go to the doctor. The patients who are particularly vulnerable to environmental illnesses have financial/physical/mental barriers to that.
Goddamnit hackers got into my shit profile and are making all my shits extra gross
Thousands of people use my toilet and they get the settings all wrong by the time I use it. I need a toilet that remembers my butthole and gets things right for me.
uncounted aeons of evolution have made it difficult for me to look at my own asshole while I am shitting.
this is more diabolical than time travel.
More things that would be great under communism (Please get screened for bowel cancer!) That are horrible under capitalism (We're revoking your insurance due to you exceeding your daily salt intake)
I have to imagine modern communists would come up with a better way to screen for bowel cancer than spying on your butthole, but then I remember that this is Hexbear. :sicko-hexbear:
If you don't want to get cancer, eventually someone is going to have to view your butthole.
Someone tweeted bits from a real patent related to anal recognition algorithm strategies for use in some of these toilets, it's just as absurd as it all sounds. It's both hilarious and deeply depressing
Can't wait til our smart sex toys are also reporting back to insurance companies while our toilet collects data about our shutting habits to inform future employers
