For the first time in my life I'm actually comfortable, I know I can pay all my bills on time, I've eliminated most of my debt and if an emergency happens it would suck but I have enough saved it wouldn't crush me. I actually have enough money I can do things to improve my quality of life. I've had times in my life where I was homeless and years where the only food I could really afford was rice and beans. I'm just now realizing the scars they've left on me.
I still check dumpsters for salvageable furniture. I have trouble buying cloths aren't second hand or at least on clearance. I can't spend even $15 to see a movie more then once every two or three months. Even though everything is taken care of financially I can never let my self really relax. My wife who went through similar conditions still uses razor blades that are dull enough they cut her because she can't bring her self to spend $4 on on a new blade.
The scars are real and I doubt they'll go away any time soon. I'm sure some of my comrades here have gone through something similar but people who have never been through that level of poverty just can't seem to understand at all. Not sure why but I felt the need to express these feelings to people who actually can understand
When you're poor you learn how to trade comfort for security, even hurting yourself in exchange for capital. Luxury can feel dangerous, even though it's not really luxury at all; it's just normal living.
Also, you should work on some of those habits, but taking furniture out of the dumpster is objectively correct and you shouldn't feel self conscious about it.
Yeah when my wife or I recognize them in the other we try to help, I buy her razors she gets my cloths ect.
That's both sweet and smart. "I'm doing this for my spouse, so I can make a good choice and also relieve them of the burden of obsessing about their own spending."