I used to, when I was a lot younger. It took a close homie of mine chipping away at the neurotic almost-phobia that my mother gave me of my own culture, and then a run-in with the cops a few years after the homie that absolutely informed me as to what I am when the pig's radioing home, for me to really start busting those walls down and feeling out who I am and what my place is.
Wish I knew. The trail for my genealogy disappears after like 1890, but I was given to understand that my family escaped slavery before the Proclamation was written. I can only really call myself Black, rather than have a direct nation to trace back to. (Cause motherfuck me if you thought I was gonna claim Amerika!)
I have never heard of an apple before. Is this an American nickname? I do sometimes feel myself growing distant from Taiwan as I continue to live in Latin America and integrate more to the culture. There are times when I find myself thinking in Spanish before Chinese and it is a little concerning sometimes.
Are you American? Or do you still live in Dubai? I have heard America can be hard for people from other cultures because you are forced to assimilate.
First of all, I'm not American... second, I don't live in Dubai anymore (I stayed there until I was 14 years old) , just around North America....
Third, I've been mostly living in an international setting, so I don't live near, or interact much with white people, let alone Gulf Arabs in UAE...
Fourth, what is an Apple?...
I use the term banana and coconut, to refer to East-Asians (Eg. Chinese) and South-Asians (Eg. Indians), whose main commonality is that they've internalized heavily a bit of western-thinking, if not culture...
My mistake. I assumed you were American because I have heard similar things from Asians who immigrated there.
I misread and thought you said apple. Maybe I am more tired than I think. These names are unfamiliar to me but I guess I feel like a banana sometimes. I am fortunate that there is a Chinese population everywhere but it is not quite the same with most I meet coming from Hong Kong or Shanghai.
I don’t have solutions per se but I realised later on that my lack of interest in my own origin and culture stems from mainly personal trauma and scarce engagement with people from my country.
Like you, since being taught abroad, it meant that there was no singular nation or country to identify with and I assume, as typical for international kids in the Arabian Peninsula, you’d grow up either in a “international” private school and your high school would end in either IAL or IB.
This means a severe disconnection and ignorance of your own history and culture. You’d be taught a Eurocentric and often “globalized” (neoliberal) image of both yourself and society at large. I myself was bombarded with notions of “global citizenship” (which was an actual subject you could study).
A step towards appreciating and recognising my own identity was reading the history of my own country. Understanding what my ancestors been through, understanding the dynamics in which have shaped people before me, and understanding how it affected my self-perception and how I ended up where I am (in this case, West Asia).
It is not easy. But fortunately for both you and I, we have our work cut out short by being from countries colonized by Anglophones. There is an extensive corpus of books written in English that you are able to engage with dealing with your own culture and country.
I myself struggle to learn a language - and I envy those who can pick up multiple relatively easily - so I say this as no easy step, but learning your native tongue and it’s nuances and specifities will undoubtedly boost your own “cultural self-confidence” but also allow you to engage with the masses of people where you are from.
I’ll have to say though that I was able to return to my home country for a few years, and that also helped slowly chipped the alienation I had felt prior.
Being fn but looking white does drive me a bit nuts. Being raised outside of rez and then moving back in makes it especially difficult. It's like the worst imposter syndrome possible.
I feel that way whenever I'm with people of my ethnicity but instantly feel the opposite whenever I spend too much time around white people. tbh I really only feel at home around leftists but even then their culinary choices are... concerning... who the fuck eats unspiced boiled peas with literally nothing else in the bowl??
Does anyone here feel like a banana or coconut? (Asian on the outside, white inside)
Cuz I do... Idk how to deal with this...
Why do you feel that way?
Well, because I don't feel much attachment to my nation of origin, the Philippines, with its culture, and language,
I guess that's in part due to the fact I was raised as a child of some skilled expats who worked in Dubai, in a more or less globalized environment...
I used to, when I was a lot younger. It took a close homie of mine chipping away at the neurotic almost-phobia that my mother gave me of my own culture, and then a run-in with the cops a few years after the homie that absolutely informed me as to what I am when the pig's radioing home, for me to really start busting those walls down and feeling out who I am and what my place is.
Hmm, if I can ask, what nation-state do you trace your ancestry and your revived culture from...?
Wish I knew. The trail for my genealogy disappears after like 1890, but I was given to understand that my family escaped slavery before the Proclamation was written. I can only really call myself Black, rather than have a direct nation to trace back to. (Cause motherfuck me if you thought I was gonna claim Amerika!)
I have never heard of an apple before. Is this an American nickname? I do sometimes feel myself growing distant from Taiwan as I continue to live in Latin America and integrate more to the culture. There are times when I find myself thinking in Spanish before Chinese and it is a little concerning sometimes.
Are you American? Or do you still live in Dubai? I have heard America can be hard for people from other cultures because you are forced to assimilate.
First of all, I'm not American... second, I don't live in Dubai anymore (I stayed there until I was 14 years old) , just around North America....
Third, I've been mostly living in an international setting, so I don't live near, or interact much with white people, let alone Gulf Arabs in UAE...
Fourth, what is an Apple?...
I use the term banana and coconut, to refer to East-Asians (Eg. Chinese) and South-Asians (Eg. Indians), whose main commonality is that they've internalized heavily a bit of western-thinking, if not culture...
My mistake. I assumed you were American because I have heard similar things from Asians who immigrated there.
I misread and thought you said apple. Maybe I am more tired than I think. These names are unfamiliar to me but I guess I feel like a banana sometimes. I am fortunate that there is a Chinese population everywhere but it is not quite the same with most I meet coming from Hong Kong or Shanghai.
I have a very similar background to you.
I don’t have solutions per se but I realised later on that my lack of interest in my own origin and culture stems from mainly personal trauma and scarce engagement with people from my country.
Like you, since being taught abroad, it meant that there was no singular nation or country to identify with and I assume, as typical for international kids in the Arabian Peninsula, you’d grow up either in a “international” private school and your high school would end in either IAL or IB.
This means a severe disconnection and ignorance of your own history and culture. You’d be taught a Eurocentric and often “globalized” (neoliberal) image of both yourself and society at large. I myself was bombarded with notions of “global citizenship” (which was an actual subject you could study).
A step towards appreciating and recognising my own identity was reading the history of my own country. Understanding what my ancestors been through, understanding the dynamics in which have shaped people before me, and understanding how it affected my self-perception and how I ended up where I am (in this case, West Asia).
It is not easy. But fortunately for both you and I, we have our work cut out short by being from countries colonized by Anglophones. There is an extensive corpus of books written in English that you are able to engage with dealing with your own culture and country.
I myself struggle to learn a language - and I envy those who can pick up multiple relatively easily - so I say this as no easy step, but learning your native tongue and it’s nuances and specifities will undoubtedly boost your own “cultural self-confidence” but also allow you to engage with the masses of people where you are from.
I’ll have to say though that I was able to return to my home country for a few years, and that also helped slowly chipped the alienation I had felt prior.
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Being fn but looking white does drive me a bit nuts. Being raised outside of rez and then moving back in makes it especially difficult. It's like the worst imposter syndrome possible.
What's fn anyway?
First nations. i'm cree-algonquin.
Well, then, nice to meet ye...
It sucks, but i'm trying to be my own person.
I feel that way whenever I'm with people of my ethnicity but instantly feel the opposite whenever I spend too much time around white people. tbh I really only feel at home around leftists but even then their culinary choices are... concerning... who the fuck eats unspiced boiled peas with literally nothing else in the bowl??
Imma take a guess you're prbly used to chana masala or something... (don't worry, I'm not dissing your tastes)
sure, with naan or rice, but that's spiced.
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