Holy shit this became a stream-of-consciousness jumbled collection of nothingness
Genuinely, the most basic shit that I never really had problems with— the slightest details regarding my responses when someone texts me, the barely noticeable aspects about myself in public, whether I’m saying too much/too little, whether I’m responding appropriately, etc. So as a result, I choose to stay within my comfort zone as much as possible because anything else is mentally destructive. But then that doesn’t work because I get my energy from talking with other people who are similar to me :/ (Shared this shit with my therapist and he asked me if I have considered autism which of course I have)
Idk I think it started to get bad when I started to go out into the world again when society at large decided there was no longer a pandemic (there is btw). I decided to go out into the world as a young adult having had very little of a social life in college and experienced rejection after rejection, be it romantic or when trying to make friends. So maybe I never really learned to process those emotions appropriately.
Maybe all of this will be solved when I can learn to stop being a pushover/people pleaser. Or maybe I just suck at communicating and/or am utter shit at kindling friendships/potential relationships who knows
One example that sticks out in my mind- I have a friend who I occasionally hang out with (not a very close one I’d say). But I will ask them if they want to grab a beer once in awhile, they’ll oblige and I’ll ask them what time works best for them. Idk if this is the middle school/teenage part of me, but I refuse to follow-up with people (double text) because I don’t want to be a burden. But then this friend will respond weeks later and profusely apologize for not responding. But like I could’ve prevented that by just following up with them, I don’t know what it is in me that refuses to do so though but I just cannot.
I'm in my mid forties, I have a "professional" job and advanced degrees. This shit happens to me all the fucking time. You're fine.
You’re really out here anxious about someone else’s fuck up!
They obviously value you or they wouldn’t bother apologizing out of the blue.
How often do you think about someone you witnessed being a little awkward? If it’s anything more than a couple seconds take that to therapy because most people do not give a single fuck.
Don’t be afraid to be you as long as you’re not hurting people. It’s so much easier to not have to be worried about if people will accept you because they got to know the real you from the start. If they aren’t into that, what would be gained by them faking it besides heartbreak? Might as well be you, everyone else is already taken.
Well yes I guess it’s especially relevant because it sorta happened again with the same friend, we were talking about getting together/hanging out then suddenly radio silence. I know it is probably something else unrelated to me, but for some reason I have such a difficult time processing this fact—I can tell myself it’s not me until the cows come home but that won’t make me believe it.
Godamn. Also, the more I talk about it, it makes me sound so selfish and borderline narcissistic.
I refuse to follow-up with people (double text) because I don’t want to be a burden. But then this friend will respond weeks later and profusely apologize for not responding. But like I could’ve prevented that by just following up with them, I don’t know what it is in me that refuses to do so though but I just cannot.
Consider that maybe they're bad at keeping track of things and follow-through too. They want you to remind them! It shows them how much you care, and they will probably thank you for it.
You may be over-self-critical, possibly mixed in with perfectionism. All I can tell you is that it's likely that letting more stuff through your filters is going to benefit other people.
If they really didn't like you, they'd ghost you instead of replying late. Just about everybody needs reminders sometimes.
I don’t know what it is in me that refuses to do so though but I just cannot.
you need to complete The Interlock Diagram
when it's finished you'll know what to do
Hmm kinda confused lol looks like a chemical engineering thing?
- Show
This is a slide from the snowden leaks. The connections between the things here are interlocks
The proper way to describe it is a sociogram, but those are often a stupid way of forming conspiracies about antifa within intelligence orgs
