crab time

      • jack [he/him, comrade/them]
        ·
        edit-2
        3 years ago

        "How did this American communist end up in charge of an institution he despises?"

        I plop down awkwardly into a low-budget throne and have Prince Blimblam kneel down to be my footstool

        "Is he ready to rule?"

        I confidently hang up a phone. A British submarine rises from the sea and fires a missile towards Washington DC. We see the POTUS blaming Russia and then getting turned into a skeleton.

        "Is he ready to learn?"

        I open the Royal family album and it's all pictures of pedophilic crimes

        "Is he ready to love?"

        I'm on a date with an Engl*shwoman. It's going great. I lean into kiss her. She says something terfy. I snap my fingers and a guard in a funny hat bayonets her. We cut to a new date where you only see me. I'm laughing and tucking my hair behind my ear. The camera pans: my date is Xi Jinping.

        "Coming soon to Freeform:"

        DUP members sobbing in a military prison as a flag rises over a United Irish Republic

        "King Comrade"