I moved to Germany from India 4 years ago. Before you have a prejudice regarding me, I would like to state that I am a open minded, leftist, very much aware of privileges society and an atheist.
I got out of a four year long relationship last year and since then it took me this many months to move on from it. My attachment style is a bit anxious oriented. But since then I have been doing therapy and have got hell of a perspective within myself. In short, I have a better control of my life.
I started dating again last month after 5 years and I feel like I am either toooo old for this current dating scenario or just a bit conservative. It seems like people are just looking for hookups, for which I am not against it but I am looking for something long term. And it's just so hard to find someone like that. Every other person I meet is either there for fucking or polygamous relationships. I am not sure if it is just the Germans or this is a global thing. But I feel like me wanting to have a monogamous, long term relationship and possibly a marriage is considered a bit conservative now. I know that one can never decide on longetivity of relationship and I also don't go out there say openly that I am seeking some life long partner or whatever but I wish to have one. Please help me get some perspective on this, how do I exactly orient myself in this? Do I need to change the way I think about wants and needs?
Yes, I am very well aware of that. Especially from my last long term relationship I have understood a lot about setting my personal boundaries and such and such. So this time, I am really not rushing things at all. I, personally, don't like the idea of marriage in first place. Rather it is just that if I want to live with someone for long time, I would rather have my financial shit figured out and in Germany it's a benifit if you are married w.r.t taxing savings and all. I think, I just wanted to say that I wish to stay that longer in a relationship, not marriage as the ultimate goal or whatsoever. So I would never bring up such naive long term issues until I guess I am in 1+ years of relationship with someone.
But, anyway, yes! I need to still control on my early emotional investment in someone. I think it is rooted from the culture I come from.
It's tough! I use to crush hella hard on girls I was into and it took a while to work through that. Romance is fun and it feels great, but it sooo easy to over-invest emotionally before the timing is right. Good luck out there! It legit sounds like you're on the right path.
Yes TG. But most of all, I just feel like if people really were taught how to communicate the needs and express their wants properly and in a non-judgemental way. So many of the fucking issues just wouldn't exist in first place 😅. I was really mindfucked by the ghostings. You meet someone, they are hella attracted, everything is perfect and then the next day... GHOSTED. This shit has become so common now. Very annoying curve in the dating world in this 5 years of a gap 😅
Ghosting is pretty much necessary as a woman, you should expect it. Most men handle rejection extremely poorly and it’s not safe to try and navigate that.