Hiya. Kindergarten teacher here, tips on not traumatizing your children:
Don't punish them. This one is counter intuitive. If they do something dumb, draw a line between their actions and the natural consequence. "When you stole his toy he hit you." "When you scream, it wakes up your little brother." "Sometimes when you tip in your chair, you'll fall down like that." You can also preemptively warn them. "If you keep following her, she might get mad at you." "That furniture is pretty wobbly, it could fall over."
don't yell at them. when you yell at them you're modifying their behaviour temporarily through fear, and possibly creating a habit of fear. The only time I yell at kids is if their safety is at risk. "Stop right there! Do not go onto the highway!" Again, you can reason with kids and in the long run it will work better.
let kids get hurt. if they get hurt climbing or get hit annoying other kids they're learning natural consequences, learning risk assessment, and learning social skills.
warn kids before you touch them. the best is to ask, "can I touch you?" But if it's not really a choice, instead give them warning. "I am going to pick you up now." This gives them a sense of security and autonomy.
use time outs sparingly. dont use them as punishments. They're more for separating a kid from a negative stimulus. So like, if a kid is really mad at another kid (as in cannot calm down around them), or really wants to so something dangerous, move them to another space where that kid or thing isn't in front of them. A mirror and some cushions are helpful in timeout to calm down. Do not threaten time outs, but do warn them. "I'm going to pick you up and move you somewhere calm now."
Fuck yes, all of this. This is how my partner and I decided we would raise our kids and it's just so much easier and less stressful. Also, its great to know they might grow up to be less fucked than me, which is a bonus.
Thank you! I do my best to not raise my voice. But that’s an issue I am working out from the way I was raised.
We normally ask permission or tell him what we are doing, Imma try to be more consistent about that!
We basically reserve time outs for when he was throwing punches (which he learned in daycare and has since stopped). Sometimes I put him on time out so he calms down; but I’ve been having more success with giving him positive attention.
I like to let him explore and figure things out even if he gets hurt. I at least warn him of what will happen.
I would explain the rattlesnake rules up front every time we go outside. At younger ages, if they broke a rattlesnake rule I'd pick them up and move them "I'm going to pick you up because snakes are dangerous."
Once they can reason (between 2 and 4 yo), instead of just moving them, I'd bring them inside and set them up with a different game, something still fun like legos, k'nex, tracing... as I did that I'd say "you weren't staying safe, so we're going to play a game I know you'll play safely." Kids also respond well to positive framings, so instead of saying "dont look under rocks" I'd say "next time, leave rocks be."
Hiya. Kindergarten teacher here, tips on not traumatizing your children:
Don't punish them. This one is counter intuitive. If they do something dumb, draw a line between their actions and the natural consequence. "When you stole his toy he hit you." "When you scream, it wakes up your little brother." "Sometimes when you tip in your chair, you'll fall down like that." You can also preemptively warn them. "If you keep following her, she might get mad at you." "That furniture is pretty wobbly, it could fall over."
don't yell at them. when you yell at them you're modifying their behaviour temporarily through fear, and possibly creating a habit of fear. The only time I yell at kids is if their safety is at risk. "Stop right there! Do not go onto the highway!" Again, you can reason with kids and in the long run it will work better.
let kids get hurt. if they get hurt climbing or get hit annoying other kids they're learning natural consequences, learning risk assessment, and learning social skills.
warn kids before you touch them. the best is to ask, "can I touch you?" But if it's not really a choice, instead give them warning. "I am going to pick you up now." This gives them a sense of security and autonomy.
use time outs sparingly. dont use them as punishments. They're more for separating a kid from a negative stimulus. So like, if a kid is really mad at another kid (as in cannot calm down around them), or really wants to so something dangerous, move them to another space where that kid or thing isn't in front of them. A mirror and some cushions are helpful in timeout to calm down. Do not threaten time outs, but do warn them. "I'm going to pick you up and move you somewhere calm now."
Fuck yes, all of this. This is how my partner and I decided we would raise our kids and it's just so much easier and less stressful. Also, its great to know they might grow up to be less fucked than me, which is a bonus.
Thank you! I do my best to not raise my voice. But that’s an issue I am working out from the way I was raised.
We normally ask permission or tell him what we are doing, Imma try to be more consistent about that!
We basically reserve time outs for when he was throwing punches (which he learned in daycare and has since stopped). Sometimes I put him on time out so he calms down; but I’ve been having more success with giving him positive attention.
I like to let him explore and figure things out even if he gets hurt. I at least warn him of what will happen.
Man, if half my parents were as conscientious as you...
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I would explain the rattlesnake rules up front every time we go outside. At younger ages, if they broke a rattlesnake rule I'd pick them up and move them "I'm going to pick you up because snakes are dangerous."
Once they can reason (between 2 and 4 yo), instead of just moving them, I'd bring them inside and set them up with a different game, something still fun like legos, k'nex, tracing... as I did that I'd say "you weren't staying safe, so we're going to play a game I know you'll play safely." Kids also respond well to positive framings, so instead of saying "dont look under rocks" I'd say "next time, leave rocks be."
Is that helpful?
Super helpful, thanks!