Suddenly remembered the time a Nazi tried to groom me into fascism as a teenager. That was a formative experience I probably habitually underestimate the importance of.
Dude was pretty smart in many ways. He ended up teaching me all the high level strategy of how to infiltrate social and government institutions and get away with fascist crimes by sniffing out sympathizers among the police and using the legal system to hide. Also taught me how to use people politically without relying on them to cover you, basically gave me the whole playbook. And a lot of practical fun things that would be useful in Minecraft. And many more things besides.
For some reason he taught me the "how" before he really taught me much of the "why". He just assumed I'd be on board when he "dropped the black pill" because I'm white.
He tried to make a dramatic reveal but I was not impressed. He taught me all this stuff only to end with "it was all da jewz all along" which was just like :confusion: . My reaction seemed to rattle him a bit, like I ruined his plans.
He ended getting a job :fedposting: not long after I stopped talking to him. He had been trying for a while at that point though. No I'm not joking. And he very explicitly many times told me the only reason he would ever get a job like that is to be an inside man to do fascist shit.
Weird thing is he was an insanely effective and knowledgeable teacher. If he wasn't a Nazi he would be a pretty cool dude. I don't like thinking about it, probably why I had forgotten about that whole thing.
This has been my weekly hexbear therapy post thanks I'm fucked up for a lot of reasons
Wow,
Having pictures o tfhem being Klans, there's nothing legal you can do against them?
Like, I know you'll be laughed, ut at least on paper isn't the klan banned or at least frowned upon nowadays?
Godammit I'm out of alcohol. Dude taught me how to hang people properly, among other things. Wanted me as a soldier for the race war.
That's fucking terrifying. At the time did you feel it was traumatic?
Edit: I'd offer you another shot if I could. You deserve another. Fuck, man...
I mean I just didn't think about the dude basically at all for years so I guess I did if I felt the need to push it out of my mind. I feel like the guy was probably more openly fascist than I remember and I must have been uncomfortably on board with it if he taught me that much. But I don't remember being that awful. Maybe successfully made myself forget. Idk.
Well, that sounds exactly like a certain kind of traumatic experience imo. Not knowing quite what to make of it but going along with it because you don't know what else to do and "uncomfortably onboard." Maybe I'm reading too much of my own stuff into it, but the fact you don't remember it all that well and likely made yourself forget is pretty damn telling I would think. Fucking fascists.
I have some weird DID like stuff going on so maybe I killed the fascist inside me and live in his corpse. Or am squatting in his shell? Many different ways of conceptualizing it. Very morbid.
I'm not 100% sure what that means, but...
maybe I killed the fascist inside me and live in his corpse
I would consider that a complete win, and a genuine growth of spirit and self. Let that corpse fall away like the shedding of a grotesque skin, a sloughing off of lies for the sake of recognizing the deeper reality of empathy and compassion that was always there in you beneath the hateful shit he was trying to use to paint over and on top of you.
edit. sorry if that's cornball bs. I just kinda identify in a weird, unrelated way and that's what popped up. apologies.
Ok, so something just clicked. You know the weirdly always sincere and almost entirely unironic posting style I have? That I'm sure many people recognize? I think I may have killed the part of me that was insincere because he was a Nazi. Or I just have brain damage.
I've had multiple complete personality changes in my life, and every time they happened I had a very hazy memory of anything that happened before. Like literally hundreds of hours logged in video games I have no memory of playing, files on my computer I clearly made but have zero memory of. Spooky shit. Plus a lot of stuff I won't get into here that are clearly not normal mental functions. Like I have a little diary that I have a mental breakdown whenever I try to read it and I don't know what's in it despite knowing I've read it at least a few times and obviously I fucking wrote it.
Oversharing a tad here but whatever I can't afford a therapist. Anyone I've tried has booted me off. Also very hazy memories of those.
All I know is that I think you're awesome and I love your posts/comments. You rock and I would bet my (albeit meager) life savings you're not brain damaged. But if you're having the kind of issues you describe, it might maybe worth it talking to a professional who knows about dissociative disorder. I have some dissociative tendencies a little bit here and there, and some of what you're saying sounds kinda familiar. I may be way off base, and I know it. Just a thought from one comrade to another. Maybe worth pursuing.
As for therapists, obviously I don't know where you are. But in most places there are sliding scale ones that can be found with a little diligence. I was able to find one for $20 a week, which... was not cheap for me, but it turned out to be worth it in my case.
It's worth a shot. I don't entirely remember why they didn't work out the last few times, but I know it didn't go well before.
The more I think about it the more I think this is actually getting worse. Time has been flying by in a way that feels suspiciously like literal time gaps and not days going by fast in the metaphorical sense. And a few other things seem off. I also feel like I'm being overly dramatic but if anyone told me the shit I was saying I'd be like "dude wtf". That's probably normal all things considered.
Thanks for the advice and support. Def got some shit to unpack.
Finding the right one is imperative. Like in every other aspect of humanity, a lot of them just plain suck. But that doesn't mean there aren't really good ones out there that could really help.
If it's getting worse, it's important to identify why that's happening and prevent it from keeping on in that direction. For your own future, your own life. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be presumptuous, I'm just going by what I know. But I really do think that if these things are worsening for you, it's all the more imperative you find out why and reverse it. You have a life to live and if it's passing you by without you even knowing what happened (gaps) then you're missing out on your own experience. I missed out on so much of mine and I deeply regret it. You're not being overly dramatic (and honestly, I question if there even is such a thing. The most profound experiences are dramatic if nothing else). I don't know, there' so much wrong with me, I feel like a imposter trying to offer "advice." Just saying what I know from my own shit. Yada yada, 'cliche about having only one life to live' but... it really is fucking true.
Like I have a little diary that I have a mental breakdown whenever I try to read it and I don’t know what’s in it despite knowing I’ve read it at least a few times and obviously I fucking wrote it.
I wonder if you showed it to someone else and had them explain to you what's in it if that would circumvent whatever mental block is on the physical book itself. Obviously that takes a lot of trust though, it would have to be someone very close, or a therapist or something along those lines.
I'm really curious about what it is but idk if that's something worth getting into. I have a friend I almost trust to do it but idk.
how to infiltrate social and government institutions and get away with fascist crimes by sniffing out sympathizers among the police and using the legal system to hide.
how?
Forget using these tactics for anything good. They heavily rely on the fact that liberals always side with fascists because the goals of fascists mostly line up with the goals of liberals.
Basically it's the fascist way of navigating politics in the sphere of politicians and similar public figures. It's pretty easy to blend in, and you sniff out others for their power level. You are limited in how far you can go by the power level of the people who will witness your crimes and be able to hold you accountable for them. If you can make people think they are covering for a crime that isn't as bad as it actually was, you can often get people who are only a little racist to do extremely fucked up things.
Small business owners are an easy in. They will help out a Nazi more readily than anyone who isn't themselves a Nazi. But they aren't as powerful as larger businesses. Larger institutions require more through infiltration to use them effectively, but also give you more power.
The main goal is of course to increase your own power and the power of fascism in general. Everything is insanely decentralized, and because western society is kinda inherently at least a little fascist it's very easy to get people to help you out , and very few people will actually act against you as a fascist.
I use the word crimes in the sense of stuff that would get you shot by a revolutionary tribunal. These are often perfectly legal currently.
Idk where this shit originally became from. Dude also taught me some tactics that were presented as being newer. Like he didn't give any examples of these tactics working out like he did with most tactics, so I assume they are newer? And since then fascist movements in the US have been using those tactics effectively. Like much more close integration with police than before, basically.
He basically warned me about the shit that has happened in Portland years before it happened. You know, the whole Nazi police snipers thing? And the checkpoints during the wildfires?
Left organizing is so different because the base of power is from below, and not above like with fascist organization. Fascists gain power by climbing up and nudging it and massaging it to do what they want. While leftists build power like you build a building. In this analogy nature is the current society. And nature is hostile to the left but friendly to fascists. So the left has to engineer things while fascists can just tie a hammock to a tree or whatever. They can sleep in the open, we gotta build a roof.
This is some heavy, serious, revealing stuff. I mean, thank you for sharing it. But why now? This could have been a helpful effort post 2 years ago. Not criticizing, just wondering. Again, thank you.
I tried not to think about the source of all this info for so long I forgot where I learned it. So I kinda assumed it must be common knowledge, or at least not difficult to find if you are interested in that sort of thing.
I still don't really know what I know that isn't common knowledge among people who study this sort of thing.
In this analogy nature is the current society. And nature is hostile to the left but friendly to fascists. So the left has to engineer things while fascists can just tie a hammock to a tree or whatever. They can sleep in the open, we gotta build a roof.
An excellent, yet sobering, analogy.
Oh, and the whole legal system thing. Basically, find your local laws on stuff like self defense. The laws aren't the important part, the important part is who are the judges likely to precide over your case, and how have they ruled in the past. It can be hard to find this exact information, but you can easily find examples of how judges in your state have ruled. Pay attention to what the cases looked like, try to present things similar to cases that went well.
What is important is your image, you wanna find what scene the judge and jury is gonna think is cliche self defense you did nothing wrong and try to stick to that. Don't have any note worthy details to talk about. Like for instance, don't do anything stupid like loading rubber shot then slugs then buckshot in a shotgun or weird alternating loads of anything. Don't have weird stuff engraved on your gun, don't mention anything strange that happened if anything strange happened. Any detail that they are gonna look at discuss is gonna tie you up in court longer and make you more likely to lose the case.
If circumstances aren't as clean you can have the cops help you cover things up. Say the right things during the 911 call just all these details of how to make the cops like you and lie for you.
Basically how to murder black people and get away with it.
If circumstances aren’t as clean you can have the cops help you cover things up. Say the right things during the 911 call just all these details of how to make the cops like you and lie for you.
Are you able to expand on this?
Basically just act really white. Not something easily described in a single post.
how?
Everything they accuse the Jews of doing, that's what they are doing.
The "let's bomb a mosque, radicalize the moderates" scene from Four Lions, except it's four Nazis talking about helping immigrants and promoting homosexuality.
