It's lathe time baby lets-fucking-go

  • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]22•3 months ago

    A ceasefire protestor stands up and starts chanting, Biden rips a fart but the strain causes his eyes to explode a gusher of blood that lands directly on the protestor and it's like xenomorph acid and it burns them alive. He then says he loves ice cream and his wife, Commander Biden.

    • InevitableSwing [none/use name]4•3 months ago

      like xenomorph acid and it burns them alive.

      Not like a horny toad.

      his eyes to explode a gusher of blood that lands directly on the protestor

      Sort of like a horny toad. Seriously.

      How Do Horned Lizards Shoot Blood from Their Eyes? | Wonderopolis

      As a last resort, horned lizards may use one final defense mechanism that's particularly effective against predators like bobcats, wolves, and coyotes. They shoot blood from their eye sockets! This usually frightens predators enough to make them flee. Fortunately for humans, horned lizards rarely shoot blood at people.

  • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]21•3 months ago

    Joe Biden is dead

    Joe Bidet lives

    a giant skibidi toilet arises from the podium, with Joe Biden's Bidet's head inside, spewing fresh water

    edit: I earnestly want to make this an art installation in my yard, so cross your fingers for some mannequin heads and toilets on the side of the road when the students leave town in May

  • Angel [any]12•3 months ago

    I just hope he addresses the issues of bofa, ligma, and sugma.

  • Arthur Besse@lemmy.ml5•3 months ago

    "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."

  • InevitableSwing [none/use name]4•3 months ago

    Earlier - Cookie Monster: "Me learn genocide. Me no like genocide. Genocide bad. Make Cooke Monster very sad.

    This hour - Biden: "I'm making a surprise announcement in my speech tonight. Here it is... We are asking for Republican support to create a Democrat and Republican blue ribbon panel to investigate the politicization of Sesame Street." The president goes off script like his aides feared he would. "Children should not be exposed to toxic ideas at such a young age. They're just children for gosh sakes. Look, Israel has a right to defend itself..."