I mean, my general belief is this: gender is a system that exists in society to coerce people into performing different functions necessary to the social structure. For example, one function men are required to perform is wage-labor. Men are granted less sympathy and support in society (male expendability) in order to force them to labor. Men who labor are rewarded with varying amounts of money and status (often moreso than female wage-laborers, because wage-labor is a male function). Men who do not labor are shamed and abused.

Men and women both suffer different harms and enjoy different benefits from this system. Women sometimes benefit from sexism at men's expense. People don't really want to talk about this, but they should. We should be able to talk about institutional misogyny and institutional misandry without being at odds with each other.

This system isn't men's fault, and it's not women's fault. It's a system that victimizes people of all genders, and people of all genders should work together in trying to dismantle it. Feminists aren't men's enemy in this respect. They aren't always respectful in the way they talk about/to men, but they are doing important work. Especially intersectional feminists, as their work for LGBTQ+ rights and racial justice directly benefits LGBTQ+ and non-white men.

As for what I'd say to men who've been harmed by women, I'd say, just try to be empathetic. Remember that women are suffering too, in their own ways. And try not to become bigoted against all members of [X group] because of something one of them did to you. Whether that's a racial group, a gender, a sexual orientation, or whatever. I'd also say I love you. I love men, I love being around them, I love the way they are. I want to support men when they need it.