A woman’s life is all work and little rest. An age gap relationship can help.

this is going viral online for being unhinged, although it has its fans. the author's parents are rich gusano pro lifers, and her mom was appointed to the state board of education by desantis

  • combat_brandonism [they/them]
    ·
    3 months ago

    I feel like the trainwreck of the opening sentence just captures the vibe

    In the summer, in the south of France, my husband and I like to play, rather badly, the lottery.

    Beyond how God awful the structure and pacing are, what is this content? It takes her like a hundred words and almost as many commas to say 'I won the lottery when I met my partner'.

    • SILLY BEAN@lemmygrad.ml
      ·
      3 months ago

      what the fuck is that sentence?? this is beats the worst i have writen. its so bad, i could hardly beat that if i tried...

      • combat_brandonism [they/them]
        ·
        3 months ago

        The one quoted in the comment @disposable_cracker@hexbear.net found is even better. I didn't make it that far, this shit's unparseable for me.

        I dream of new structures, a world in which women have entry-level jobs in their 30s; alternate avenues for promotion; corporate ladders with balconies on which they can stand still, have a smoke, take a break, make a baby, enjoy themselves, before they keep climbing.

        I dream of whole new sentences but here we are.

        • SUPAVILLAIN@lemmygrad.ml
          ·
          3 months ago

          That is entirely too fucking many semi-colons that still props up the mother of all run-ons! Like, I know I'm guilty of semi-colon abuse sometimes; but this is beyond the fucking pale

        • SILLY BEAN@lemmygrad.ml
          ·
          3 months ago

          this is so bad that it gives me motivation to actually write. Like i am so much better at writing then this person.

        • Water Bowl Slime@lemmygrad.ml
          ·
          3 months ago

          She's using the corporate ladder metaphor to say that she wants to party and make babies without harming her career. It's confusing how she says she wants a ladder with a balcony but eh

          • combat_brandonism [they/them]
            ·
            3 months ago

            Oh I get what she's getting at, worth also noting that it's so myopic it starts with a clear personal grievance. I don't think "entry-level jobs in their 30s" is even a top-50 goal for feminists wrt gender equity in the work place. The balcony thing is hamfisted too.

            The problem is she wants this stilted style, a bunch of commas; maybe a semi-colon to make sure a list is split up in a way that lets you easily discern items. When if you really wanted to lean into the ladder vibe and write in a weird way it's clearly a spot for line breaks:

            I dream of new structures:

            a world in which women have entry-level jobs in their 30s;
            alternate avenues for promotion;
            corporate ladders with balconies on which they can stand still, have a smoke, take a break, make a baby, enjoy themselves,
            before they keep climbing.

            • Water Bowl Slime@lemmygrad.ml
              ·
              3 months ago

              Yeah she could use an editor. But I've also known people who talk exactly like that so is it really bad writing if it perfectly captures the mind of the author, clunkiness and all?

              • combat_brandonism [they/them]
                ·
                3 months ago

                lol that's an interesting lens. in this case yes because idgaf about the author's banal bourgeois rationalization of their conservatism, and the fact they captured it more authentically just heightens that disgust