If every investment banker in New York went on strike, nothing would much change in America. If every plumber decided to stop working, every electrician, the country comes to a halt. I mean, literally, not figuratively, literally, it comes to a damn halt.
Tonight I am calling on every American to commence an armed general strike effective immediately. All DNC donations will go directly to a general strike fund for workers, every cent will put food on a striking worker's table.
Every union in this nation has been supplied with military grade equipment and weaponry. If you’ve never heard of anacho syndicalism before… well you’re about to. You know, my mother had an old Irish proverb, she’d tell it to us when we were smuggling money to the IRA… crowned heads, wealth and privilege will tremble - Black and Red unite!
(applause, cheering)
“Hold for applause?” What does that mean? Oh, I get… yeah.
(applause recedes slowly, like Biden’s hairline)
In the months leading up to this speech, we have purged the military and state department of any lying dog faced pony soldier still loyal to capital and empire. Tonight before taking this-you know- this stage, our people’s military eradicated the last vestiges of the CIA and FBI. Not gonna make the same mistake both those Kennedys made. Purge and then announce it.
Every US military base on foreign soil has been turned over to socialist parties in their respective countries. We’re executing the Amerikan Empire like I executed that transphobe Gregg DeSantis, by slitting its throat with a rusty straight razor.
Tonight we have a single demand: complete worker ownership of every company. If this demand is not met, we will begin publicly executing CEOs starting at the top of the Fortune 500 and working our way down the list.
To show we mean business, here is Doug McMillon, the CEO of Walmart. Say goodbye to your shareholders Doug. (gunshot, mixture of cheers and screams). Holy Mary, that’s a lot of blood, should have used a smaller caliber handgun. Sorry to you folks in the front row, bring a poncho next time.
(brief pause)
Make no mistake: We will destroy the global economy with zero hesitation. You carpetbagging scumsuckers should have passed Build Back Better when that deal was on the texas hold ‘em table.
Your last chance for a peaceful transition of power has passed and let me tell you something, slick: you should have taken it. Because the next step? Well this next step is armed revolution and I'm strapped, Jack. I'm armed to the fucking teeth and my gums are bleeding.
I will make Hồ Chí Minh look like Rachel Fucking Maddow, I swear on the graves of my dead wife and children. Surrender the means of production or we will take it by force and leave your body rotting in the street like Doug here. No more bourgeoisie malarkey, Dark Brandon is a man of my word.
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now say, that’s pretty good. I could use a speech writer, my chief of staff has been using some kind of app called a “markov chain” to crank out speeches. they ain’t always the best, though, I’ll give ya that