If every investment banker in New York went on strike, nothing would much change in America. If every plumber decided to stop working, every electrician, the country comes to a halt. I mean, literally, not figuratively, literally, it comes to a damn halt.
Tonight I am calling on every American to commence an armed general strike effective immediately. All DNC donations will go directly to a general strike fund for workers, every cent will put food on a striking worker's table.
Every union in this nation has been supplied with military grade equipment and weaponry. If you’ve never heard of anacho syndicalism before… well you’re about to. You know, my mother had an old Irish proverb, she’d tell it to us when we were smuggling money to the IRA… crowned heads, wealth and privilege will tremble - Black and Red unite!
(applause, cheering)
“Hold for applause?” What does that mean? Oh, I get… yeah.
(applause recedes slowly, like Biden’s hairline)
In the months leading up to this speech, we have purged the military and state department of any lying dog faced pony soldier still loyal to capital and empire. Tonight before taking this-you know- this stage, our people’s military eradicated the last vestiges of the CIA and FBI. Not gonna make the same mistake both those Kennedys made. Purge and then announce it.
Every US military base on foreign soil has been turned over to socialist parties in their respective countries. We’re executing the Amerikan Empire like I executed that transphobe Gregg DeSantis, by slitting its throat with a rusty straight razor.
Tonight we have a single demand: complete worker ownership of every company. If this demand is not met, we will begin publicly executing CEOs starting at the top of the Fortune 500 and working our way down the list.
To show we mean business, here is Doug McMillon, the CEO of Walmart. Say goodbye to your shareholders Doug. (gunshot, mixture of cheers and screams). Holy Mary, that’s a lot of blood, should have used a smaller caliber handgun. Sorry to you folks in the front row, bring a poncho next time.
(brief pause)
Make no mistake: We will destroy the global economy with zero hesitation. You carpetbagging scumsuckers should have passed Build Back Better when that deal was on the texas hold ‘em table.
Your last chance for a peaceful transition of power has passed and let me tell you something, slick: you should have taken it. Because the next step? Well this next step is armed revolution and I'm strapped, Jack. I'm armed to the fucking teeth and my gums are bleeding.
I will make Hồ Chí Minh look like Rachel Fucking Maddow, I swear on the graves of my dead wife and children. Surrender the means of production or we will take it by force and leave your body rotting in the street like Doug here. No more bourgeoisie malarkey, Dark Brandon is a man of my word.
Folks, the rich only seem powerful because we are on our knees. Let us rise.
:amerikkka::biden-leftist: :hammer-sickle:
every oil exec gets their own abandoned fracking pit, you can take that campaign promise to the credit union and cash it right in, spud, my signature’s good as gold
take those oil and coal COAL execs, liquify em, and shoot them right into the foundation of their environmentally exploitative empires, mack, so help me God!
:biden-point: :porky-scared:
:fidel-salute-big: :chavez-salute: :deng-salute: :sankara-salute: :stalin-pipe: :lenin-laugh:
The ghosts of the past are smiling down upon us, now is our time!
Those old fogies thought I was a credit card company junky, but I was playing the long game of lawn darts. You know lawn darts? The ones from back in the day with a spear at the tip that could take your eye out?
Not gonna make the same mistake both those Kennedys made. Purge and then announce it.
Neat little detail to slip in. You think they could have made more meaningful change if they’d been more lowkey about this?
It wouldn’t have hurt, that’s for damn sure. Those Kennedys were wealthy, horn dog opportunistic capitalists, but I’ve been told they were sympathetic to the USSR.
Picking Lyndon Johnson as a VP was also a mistake, you always pick someone further left and crazier than you as your right hand. Kamala is a third world posadist, for example. She’ll nuke the imperial core first thing after being sworn in.
:nuke::jokermala:
That’s part of why we don’t ask Kamala to give a lot of speeches. Last time we did, she started yelling “another kkkrackkker down!!! unlimited genocide on the first world!!”
took us weeks to scrub all the recordings of that, real pain in the keister. It downright ruined a press luncheon though, which was funny. thought Pelosi was going to pass out, but she was just tripping on quaaludes she bought from Hunter again
You’re damn right, fats. Gotta have someone crazier than a shithouse rat in your corner. I’m a big admirer of Henry A Wallace, hell of a statesman. Here’s a quote from some writing he published back when he was the vice-president to Roosevelt:
The American fascists are most easily recognized by their deliberate perversion of truth and fact. Their newspapers and propaganda carefully cultivate every fissure of disunity, every crack in the common front against fascism. They use every opportunity to impugn democracy. They use isolationism as a slogan to conceal their own selfish imperialism. They cultivate hate and distrust of both Britain and Russia.
They claim to be super- patriots, but they would destroy every liberty guaranteed by the Constitution. They demand free enterprise, but are the spokesmen for monopoly and vested interest. Their final objective toward which all their deceit is directed is to capture political power so that, using the power of the state and the power of the market simultaneously, they may keep the common man in eternal subjection.
- “The Danger of American Fascism,” Henry Wallace (1944)
This sounds cool, but I think the better pairing was Lenin and Stalin.
Join a party, sport. Doesn’t matter where, just get working. We have some foundations to build.
:biden-the-thing:
When our time comes, we will make no excuses for the terror. A peaceful transition of power is possible, but the odds of that are rarer than a celibate priest. The wealthy reflexively reach for violence and fascism without thought or empathy. Remember, the bourgeoisie are not human.
Thank you Mr. Brandon sir, god damn amerikkka
:whywhywhywhywhy: :sicko-pig:
god damn amerikkka
did you know that’s in the bible? I learned that years ago, damndest thing
Listen fat, the only salvation for the working class of not just America, but the whole world, lays in the immortal science of dialectical materialism. Just as one of our new founding fathers, Karl Marx said, philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point, is to change it.
Tonight, my fellow Americans, we, are changing it.
now say, that’s pretty good. I could use a speech writer, my chief of staff has been using some kind of app called a “markov chain” to crank out speeches. they ain’t always the best, though, I’ll give ya that
:biden-troll: I’m calling for the admins to pin this message, it has to go out to the whole dang nation!
My grandfather once called Hillary Clinton a "carpetbagger". He was right, but probably not for the reason he thought he was.
Your old grand-dad was onto something, fats. Bill and Hill are starving jackals. I’ve never seen a couple so hungry to cannibalize the working class. It’s unnatural, and they’re war criminals.
To show we mean business, here is Doug McMillon, the CEO of Walmart. Say goodbye to your shareholders Doug. (gunshot, mixture of cheers and screams). Holy Mary, that’s a lot of blood, should have used a smaller caliber handgun. Sorry to you folks in the front row, bring a poncho next time.
fuck i'm crying
