I keep having this experience in predominantly white environments, mostly work and school, where mentally unstable people fixate on me. It’s happened so many times: someone, usually a stranger or a person one or two degrees separated from me, becomes obsessed with learning about/keep track of me without ever actually talking to me, usually for not-good reasons (i.e. sabotage). Like, they desperately want a dramatic altercation where they can play victim but are also to chicken-shit to approach me.

The first time this happened, I was in elementary school. This girl a few grades lower than me who’d always stare at me really, really intensely told her mother that I wanted to kill them. The mom freaked out and reported me to the admin. Luckily, I didn’t get in trouble, but the experience of getting called to the front office was super bizarre in a traumatizing way. The girl was an obvious racist, but I also think she suffered from paranoid delusions and genuinely believed that there was a plot for her murder. Like, she could sense her own discomfort with me, but couldn’t understand the source (hate) because she was so disconnected from reality.

Another time, a man from my last job stalked me when I was punching out. It was super late and it was really obvious that he was following me he kept stopping whenever I did. I went into the bathroom to escape from him and he literally stood outside until another woman came in and I heard him turn to leave. I also caught him recording me with his phone (not in the bathroom) and frowning like he was catching me doing some super salacious, fireable act (I was smoking outside). Again, obviously super racist. But he also went on medical leave, allegedly because of a psychotic break.

I’m I the only one whose gone through this?

True story.

I was the bird.

White people piss me off.

I put a lot of effort into dinner today. On a side note, why is making a full Chinese meal such an endeavor. I’m talking about the “rice with several side dishes” kind of family-style meal (I live with my family so I had to cook enough for all of us.) Who decided that our meals should be composed of multiple labor-intensive components.

Got a lazy day coming up. Feels good...gonna go 2 bed a bit earlier so I have more of my day.

Eclipse was nice, i live in a segregated white neighborhood as a brown person so i avoid my neighbors as much as i can but it was nice to share that moment together as a whole group.

i have nothing to say, just wanna say hi

Work was slow so I ended up taking the opportunity to go out and see the eclipse. It was cool, even though I wasn't in the path of totality. Was thinking of offering my glasses to someone that didn't have any, hut everyone had a pair. A couple of coworkers, including my crush, offered me theirs because they didn't realize I had a pair and it hit me right in the feels

Finally got around to hitting up my old friend on discord. We caught up and had a blast playing Helldivers 2.

Weather is finally getting nice again so I've been jogging again, trying to get healthier.

my partner is making picadillo right now im so excited.

Went through a fruitful therapy session.

Merhaba.

I took the opportunity to do some chores around the house that I'd been postponing before the site went down. An occasionally borked Hexbear would definitely boost my productivity.

Saw an old friend I haven’t seen in almost ten years. It was nice catching up.

MY DAD STRESSES ME OUT MY DAD STRESSES ME OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

also saw the eclipse. no birds pooped on my partner's head though