In the latest Nintendo Direct Chris Pratt claims he "spent hours of his life stomping, Koopas, in the original Mario Brothers arcade game", but you can not "stomp" a turtle in that game, all plumber-on-turt violence in that game is in the form of Mario flipping them by hitting the floor they are walking on from below and then running up to them to kick them. From this we can only conclude that Chris Pratt is a liar who has never crushed a single turtle with his feet, and is thus unfit to play Mario Mario in the movie. I urge you to call your congressman, we can still sonic this movie.
Hey hexbear devs, can we get a new version of the A*ber bot that replies "It'sa me, Mario! :mario: " every time Chris Pratt is mentioned in a post?