Argued with my parents a lot. Never got to explore who I was or what I wanted because I needed support from my parents I never got. The constant everything in moderation, be reasonable, not too happy BS was really hard on me. Luckily for them they had the money for wilderness and transitionary living so I had the chance to clean up their mess. My brother did fine because hes naturally independent, self sufficient, and masculine, but I never got the support, closeness or affection that I needed to be successful. My dad being emotionally abusive didn't help either. He'd yell at me over the pettiest things and never gave me a choice in what I did, how I expressed myself or what my values were. When I hit ~13 I became better at debating than him and he respected me for the first time. In his head that meant he was done parenting me. the removed.

I remember going on a road trip when I was around 10 and realizing for the first time that some people didn't have nice things because they couldn't afford them. I always assumed that people who had BMWs were just people who cared about cars more. I thought they were kinda conceeded and petty to care about a car that much.

The shortest answer possible is that I've been miserable my whole life. My mom said I was a happy baby but as soon as consciousness hit things got worse. The only thing keeping me going is that I don't want to make the people around me sad. Things might get better but im not capable of imagining it.