They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they want to.
This book is dedicated to those fine men.
GUARDS! GUARDS!
MY VITAL ESSENCES ARE WHERE THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE! UNHAND ME AT ONCE!
Any reference to Terry Pratchett in my day is more than welcome.