I used to get really annoyed at people who'd try to socialize with me in those ways, like offering me compliments or asking me about what I'm wearing. I've been in the headspace that people who did that were trying to make fun of me, or trick me somehow. I never trusted anyone who tried to socialize with me and I've completely avoided socializing on my own.
And so a lot of this post makes sense. People have avoided me probably because I look tired and aggressive all the time. I also deliberately dress as bland as possible so I don't stick out.
I'm trying to fix this, but I'm still very lost. I've got debilitating social anxiety, but thankfully I've caught it and recognize it's a problem before it gets too bad.
People that go super hard on that sort of way of socializing always turn me off because it seems like they're following steps told to them on how to socialize. Like when people ask you to Tell the Group About Yourself kinda feelings. I'm glad you're showing an interest but I really don't want to biographize and my interests are really fucking niche. It all feels fake when someone is asking me too many questions about myself when we've just met. Stuff will come out organically in its own time, don't like quiz people.
Yeah I can understand that, my main problem has been meeting people in the first place. I built up such deliberately isolation in my life that I'm never in a situation to socialize other than my coworkers, and they've already established me as the complete weirdo.
I don't mind giving biographies of myself either at this point. I'll answer any question a stranger asks, but it doesn't really happen. No idea where I'm going at this point.
Yeah, it seems to be a major problem here that I just like...don't have. I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone and people tend to open up pretty quick around me. Like, I met an older lady in my walk to work the other day and while chatting about neighborhood cats she dropped that her landlord was trying to sell the place out from under her, which had happened to me a year ago and I hooked her up with contacts for the tenancy board and local IWW. I've always just kinda been someone that strangers wanna talk to and all it took for me was to stop being in my early 20s and get over myself a bit. I've got a look that ingratiates me to both the stylish and the homeless on site as well, I'm sure that helps.
Someone once told me I have the face of a "school shooter" so I guess I have some weird aura I give off. Probably something within my control, I'll work on it.
OP did have a solid point regarding fashion. My hair is like if Cruella DeVille played in a dbeat band and I dress the same. I can also do 80s Goth Mode. Consistency of style is important. Like, no matter how high quality or whatever the clothes, I find most dudes just dress like shit. My ripped up t shirt over a waffle shirt with a studded denim vest, skinny jeans, motorcycle boots and awesome hair is gonna be a better look than a guy with a fade, sorta baggy blue jeans and a brand shirt any day
People that go super hard on that sort of way of socializing always turn me off because it seems like they’re following steps told to them on how to socialize.
For people learning it'll definitely come off like this at first, but if they keep at it then eventually it'll become smooth. It's weird that for other skills we expect there to be complete noobs who fumble and make mistakes but when it comes to social skills suddenly everyone has to "be organic" or else it's cringe.
Well, it's also the same way someone who wants to take advantage of you will approach you, so it's kinda hard to not be defensive. Mechanics for faking it till you make it social skills at early steps are hard to discern from PUA tactics and Bosses. This is the fault of PUA tacticians and bosses because they beed to learn to socialize that way because they are bad people. I don't really know what to do approach wise, reception wise I'm familiar enough to know it's just how some people go about meeting others and go along, I can also usually tell what the angle is from context, it just sets of an initial irrational red flag.
People that go super hard on that sort of way of socializing always turn me off because it seems like they’re following steps told to them on how to socialize.
I'm all kinds of willing to admit despite being a fucking weirdo I was built from the ground up to be charming as fuck to normals. I was raised on doing good solid silly banter, it runs pretty hard in my dad's side and some pretty good dry humor from my mom's, although she isn't generally all that funny but plays a good straight role in a bit and when she does have a joke it kills. So I've always been hilarious, since like age 8 ive knoen i can make anyone laugh easilt and ive just gotten better at it. Now I am absolutely certain that I can make anyone I speak to laugh within 2 minutes. Then I was a bookish kid who could verbally run circles around people bit also wasn't the best target for a fight compared to more ripe needs. Then I got into punk where literally everyone is pretty sharp mouthed even if they're the dumbest trash heap you've ever met, they're quick on their feet verbally. The rest kinda slid into place, also I drink a lot.
Part of the issue is that "normal" clothing these days really does trend towards being bland. Frustratingly enough, you may need to spend some money to get clothing with bright colors.
The prefix missing from your post is “new clothing.” It’s over saturated as hell with Depop and TikTok, but you absolutely do not need to spend money to thrift colorful clothing
The day I first answered someone's questions about me was life changing. Turns out most people just want to connect, aren't trying to take advantage of you.
have you ever heard of attachment theory? it might be psuedoscience bs to some people or maybe not the right model/framework but for me it was a helpful tool in understanding why i was reacting to people in specific ways over and over again. why i was understanding a different reality than they were etc. anyway maybe something to check out if you're curious. for me it helped me unwind a lot of unconscious social behaviors.
I used to get really annoyed at people who'd try to socialize with me in those ways, like offering me compliments or asking me about what I'm wearing. I've been in the headspace that people who did that were trying to make fun of me, or trick me somehow. I never trusted anyone who tried to socialize with me and I've completely avoided socializing on my own.
And so a lot of this post makes sense. People have avoided me probably because I look tired and aggressive all the time. I also deliberately dress as bland as possible so I don't stick out.
I'm trying to fix this, but I'm still very lost. I've got debilitating social anxiety, but thankfully I've caught it and recognize it's a problem before it gets too bad.
People that go super hard on that sort of way of socializing always turn me off because it seems like they're following steps told to them on how to socialize. Like when people ask you to Tell the Group About Yourself kinda feelings. I'm glad you're showing an interest but I really don't want to biographize and my interests are really fucking niche. It all feels fake when someone is asking me too many questions about myself when we've just met. Stuff will come out organically in its own time, don't like quiz people.
Yeah I can understand that, my main problem has been meeting people in the first place. I built up such deliberately isolation in my life that I'm never in a situation to socialize other than my coworkers, and they've already established me as the complete weirdo.
I don't mind giving biographies of myself either at this point. I'll answer any question a stranger asks, but it doesn't really happen. No idea where I'm going at this point.
Yeah, it seems to be a major problem here that I just like...don't have. I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone and people tend to open up pretty quick around me. Like, I met an older lady in my walk to work the other day and while chatting about neighborhood cats she dropped that her landlord was trying to sell the place out from under her, which had happened to me a year ago and I hooked her up with contacts for the tenancy board and local IWW. I've always just kinda been someone that strangers wanna talk to and all it took for me was to stop being in my early 20s and get over myself a bit. I've got a look that ingratiates me to both the stylish and the homeless on site as well, I'm sure that helps.
Someone once told me I have the face of a "school shooter" so I guess I have some weird aura I give off. Probably something within my control, I'll work on it.
OP did have a solid point regarding fashion. My hair is like if Cruella DeVille played in a dbeat band and I dress the same. I can also do 80s Goth Mode. Consistency of style is important. Like, no matter how high quality or whatever the clothes, I find most dudes just dress like shit. My ripped up t shirt over a waffle shirt with a studded denim vest, skinny jeans, motorcycle boots and awesome hair is gonna be a better look than a guy with a fade, sorta baggy blue jeans and a brand shirt any day
Which also may not be everyone's look, but just have a Look.
For people learning it'll definitely come off like this at first, but if they keep at it then eventually it'll become smooth. It's weird that for other skills we expect there to be complete noobs who fumble and make mistakes but when it comes to social skills suddenly everyone has to "be organic" or else it's cringe.
Well, it's also the same way someone who wants to take advantage of you will approach you, so it's kinda hard to not be defensive. Mechanics for faking it till you make it social skills at early steps are hard to discern from PUA tactics and Bosses. This is the fault of PUA tacticians and bosses because they beed to learn to socialize that way because they are bad people. I don't really know what to do approach wise, reception wise I'm familiar enough to know it's just how some people go about meeting others and go along, I can also usually tell what the angle is from context, it just sets of an initial irrational red flag.
says a lot about the whole "fake it until you make it" thing
that or they're reactionary christians
Never bothered to talk to one.
it's the right choice
I'm all kinds of willing to admit despite being a fucking weirdo I was built from the ground up to be charming as fuck to normals. I was raised on doing good solid silly banter, it runs pretty hard in my dad's side and some pretty good dry humor from my mom's, although she isn't generally all that funny but plays a good straight role in a bit and when she does have a joke it kills. So I've always been hilarious, since like age 8 ive knoen i can make anyone laugh easilt and ive just gotten better at it. Now I am absolutely certain that I can make anyone I speak to laugh within 2 minutes. Then I was a bookish kid who could verbally run circles around people bit also wasn't the best target for a fight compared to more ripe needs. Then I got into punk where literally everyone is pretty sharp mouthed even if they're the dumbest trash heap you've ever met, they're quick on their feet verbally. The rest kinda slid into place, also I drink a lot.
I used to be this way but decades of depression made my brain not work so good
Well, if it's any comfort, that's about as close as i get to people and am perfectly content not having anyone ever in my house aside from my cat.
yeah I really enjoy being alone these days, and have been out of the dating world for so long I can only imagine it's everything I used to hate X1000
I've never really 'dates' hookups just either remained hookups or became a thing.
Part of the issue is that "normal" clothing these days really does trend towards being bland. Frustratingly enough, you may need to spend some money to get clothing with bright colors.
The prefix missing from your post is “new clothing.” It’s over saturated as hell with Depop and TikTok, but you absolutely do not need to spend money to thrift colorful clothing
oh, sweet
Thrifting!: not just for femmes anymore!
The day I first answered someone's questions about me was life changing. Turns out most people just want to connect, aren't trying to take advantage of you.
have you ever heard of attachment theory? it might be psuedoscience bs to some people or maybe not the right model/framework but for me it was a helpful tool in understanding why i was reacting to people in specific ways over and over again. why i was understanding a different reality than they were etc. anyway maybe something to check out if you're curious. for me it helped me unwind a lot of unconscious social behaviors.