Every discussion we have spawns more discussions so here we go again.

I'm gay and extremely active in the queer community with a lot of friends in activist circles who are trans, genderqueer, bi, pan, and so on. Literally until Femboy Hooters I'd never even come across the term. Here's what I think I see and y'all tell me if I'm off.

Femboys themselves seem to mostly be gay boys, although some are potentially trans eggs waiting to crack, but largely they seem to be comfortable with being gay and cis and male. They all seem to dress up pretty hardcore in feminine clothes and wear make up, but they're not drag queens or genderqueer, or they don't identify as such at least.

What's weird to me (yet still makes sense) is that the vast majority of people attracted to them are straight guys. As one dude said, "Men make better women." So of course there's the overtone of misogyny there. I've been approached before by straight men asking me if I'd be willing to wear panties or take hormones or get a tit job, but I hadn't really thought about it until I saw the preponderance of femboys out there in the world. Now how can I say these guys are straight if they want to fuck a cis man? Pretty simple, they don't see me as one. They see me as a woman who they want to feminize more.

I tried looking at the etymology and history of the term but there's nothing much. I did uncover a trove of femboys who hate trans people and who also differentiate themselves from what they call tr^ps. If you hate trans people your gay card should get revoked automatically so fuck them, but it seems to confirm my suspicion that this seems to have a misogynist bent to it. This may just be a label for the types of gay guys I knew who were very feminine and liked to date straight men, who treated them like garbage and both of them had really conservative personal politics.

But I don't know and I want to learn so tell me what's up, I'm old and I need my porridge.

  • Liberalism [he/him,they/them]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Men presenting femininely is transgressive and therefore hot.

    It's a sex thing, so therefore a lot of people are creeps about it.

    Yep you're pretty much right. If you start psychoanalyzing transphobes and predators that's a different rabbit hole entirely.

    I don't think otherwise-straight men who want to fuck femboys are straight. They don't see femboys as women, and even if they did, that wouldn't explain why they don't just go after women instead.

    I think the "racist femboys" thing is just a product of the fact that some people are racist and being gender non-conforming doesn't stop you from being a racist, and they get signal boosted because the weirdness of the concept attracts both outside attention and trolls who imitate them.

    • kristina [she/her]
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      4 years ago

      when are we gonna go back to that roman top/bottom dichotomy lmfao. thats where it feels like all this is going towards

      • Parysian [they/them]
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        edit-2
        4 years ago

        Sucking another man's dick: extremely gay

        Having another man suck your dick: very very straight

        Eating pussy: gay as hell

    • Awoo [she/her]
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      4 years ago

      They don't see them as women, I agree, but these "straight men" as they still categorize themselves are still separating these femboys off as something else. They're not men, and they're not women to them.

      As far as I'm concerned it's a "less gay" way to explore the fact they're self hating bisexuals who won't admit they like cute pretty men.

      I think there's something to explore in part in the "boys" zone of this. Femboys are always young. See any old femboys? It's a specific age group of somewhat still developing (in maturity) people who have views, politics and self-control in flux. Part of it is the fact this group are extremely focused on appearances and thus you are able to easily push buttons for outcomes with them. They seek and crave attention for their presentation.

      • Parysian [they/them]
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        4 years ago

        As far as I’m concerned it’s a “less gay” way to explore the fact they’re self hating bisexuals who won’t admit they like cute pretty men

        I'm in this photo and I don't like it

        • Awoo [she/her]
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          4 years ago

          I'm sorry! I know quite a few and you're all lovely people despite the points on insecurities.

          I think as people age people begin to give less of a shit about appearance insecurity which leads to the reason that there aren't any older "femboys". There's a part of it that is, ultimately, growing up for some people. Not in a bad way. I tried being a scene kid with backcombed hair and a myspace with too many ""friends"" at one point. I see a lot of the same mindset I went through in it.

          • femboy [he/him]
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            4 years ago

            half the term being the word "boy" is a bit of a giveaway. wanting to feel pretty and cute and acting on it generally skews younger already, imo