If they are interested in you, they’ll respond. If they aren’t, they won’t, and that’s that.
There’s no way to seduce people or whatever. Just message them and see what’s up. If you haven’t spend any time together, just suggest getting together for whatever activity. Coffee or rock climbing, whatever.
Basically people are looking for companionship. Someone that’s fun to be around, that makes them feel good about themselves, and that they can confide in.
The catch is that what people find fun, what makes them feel good, and what creates trust is all specific to them and you really can’t force it. You can’t be something you’re not. The only thing you can do is be your best self. If that’s not enough then it isn’t and it’s not going to work long term anyway.
I may make a target for myself saying this, but do get angry about this a lot in general, tbh.
Why?
the other person doesn’t really see me as an individual, with my own particular set of experiences, limitations, & available choices in life.
Nobody does initially, it takes time to get to know someone and even then you cannot know someone else fully the way they know themselves.
“Everything is a competition.”
Like you said, it really isn't. I certainly didn't mean to say it was. You're not competing against anyone, but consider what it is that I said by thinking about the opposite:
Would you enter into a relationship with someone who
You can't trust enough to confide in
Who's not fun to be around
Who makes you feel bad about yourself
Of course you wouldn't. Those are kind of disqualifying.
Just do it, nerd. you already have anxiety just contemplating it you may as well follow through. Once the first message is sent the rest is easy. Don't let your irrational thoughts control ya.
I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but there’s no magic bullet that makes this easy. But, just sending a message isn’t asking her to marry you, and the more comfortable you get initiating the easier it will get for you, which is important because in cishet courtship & relationships the guy is expected to initiate almost 100% of the time.
my fellow chapos... how do i work up the courage to send a message to a girl i like... i'm terrified of relationships...
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the only winning move is not to play
Just go gay and feel socially anxious about men instead
If they are interested in you, they’ll respond. If they aren’t, they won’t, and that’s that.
There’s no way to seduce people or whatever. Just message them and see what’s up. If you haven’t spend any time together, just suggest getting together for whatever activity. Coffee or rock climbing, whatever.
Yeah, just don't try to force anything, if you enjoy each other's company one thing leads to another.
Or doesn’t, and that’s okay too.
Basically people are looking for companionship. Someone that’s fun to be around, that makes them feel good about themselves, and that they can confide in.
The catch is that what people find fun, what makes them feel good, and what creates trust is all specific to them and you really can’t force it. You can’t be something you’re not. The only thing you can do is be your best self. If that’s not enough then it isn’t and it’s not going to work long term anyway.
deleted by creator
Why?
Nobody does initially, it takes time to get to know someone and even then you cannot know someone else fully the way they know themselves.
Like you said, it really isn't. I certainly didn't mean to say it was. You're not competing against anyone, but consider what it is that I said by thinking about the opposite:
Would you enter into a relationship with someone who
Of course you wouldn't. Those are kind of disqualifying.
Just do it, nerd. you already have anxiety just contemplating it you may as well follow through. Once the first message is sent the rest is easy. Don't let your irrational thoughts control ya.
I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but there’s no magic bullet that makes this easy. But, just sending a message isn’t asking her to marry you, and the more comfortable you get initiating the easier it will get for you, which is important because in cishet courtship & relationships the guy is expected to initiate almost 100% of the time.
whats the worst that can happen?
It gets better with practice. So better get a fuckton of practice in.