You're well aware of this, but because it's such a personal subject I just want to start by pointing out that none of us know you, your partner, your friend, or any of the context for any of your lives

That said, it sounds to me like you're describing infatuation. Like you say, your partner works two jobs and that can make it hard to maintain and build a connection. Meanwhile, someone who you don't know very well but are attracted to can serve as a canvas for your mind to project a fantasy onto, especially when some unmet emotional needs have been unconsciously building

Now, there's no rule that says infatuations can't be built into good relationships, but that process will always involve actually getting to know them as they are instead of as you think of them. And frankly, if you're going to do that much work then I'd recommend also using it as an opportunity to examine how you approach relationships

For me and my spouse, traditional monogamy was toxic, as was a popular all-or-nothing mentality around boundaries in pop-polyamory. We've both been pretty unwavering in wanting to be together and mutually committed, and we could have stayed traditional indefinitely without major problems, but we're both happier having talked about topics including, in no particular order: what we want for our lives individually, what we each want from our relationship, what we'd potentially want to seek from other relationships and how the other would feel about that, and particular fears that would make either of us uncomfortable

For you? :vivian-shrug: