This is a burner account cause it's kinda embarissing and such. Sorry for the slightly rambliness.
I'm currently in my first long term relationship ever (1.5 years). I had felt like I was missing something from my direction of our relationship (enough attention) a few months ago. We talked about it and it mostly feels solved at this point. I hadn't really noticed the same feeling after that point, but I met a person recently who has made me reevaluate my feelings. I met this person and I realized I haven't had anyone in my life before now that really "got" me. (I have also been crushing on this person a little bit, everyone is aware of this but we are perfectly happy just being friends). I currently believe that that kind of feeling is what I am missing from my current relationship, as my partner (who works two jobs) only has limited ability to understand and relate to my interests. I've also been a bit frustrated lately because my partner doesn't have a very robust support network, besides me. Most of this is down to their autism (I am also autistic) and having multiple jobs and health issues which drain them pretty badly. I love them so much and I'm not sure what to do. I plan to talk to them about this but I'm really not sure what should even be on my mind.
Please help a really confused hexbearer who feels too old for their lack of relationship experience.
Its difficult to say, just from this.
It could bet that with your partner working two jobs means you feel disconnected from them. Could be that the two jobs + health problems leaves then with low energy, impacting their ability to pay attention and care about your interests.
And, it sounds like you are having something a little like 'caretaker's fatigue'. Not exactly the same thing, but it sounds like their health problems and work are draining for you to help and manage, both in a literal housework-sense, and maybe more importantly, an emotional support sense.
Those issues above could be dealbreakers to you, or temporary problems that you both overcome together. Hard to work through solutions offhand without details, but an example would be having your partner get a therapist, so you aren't doing as much 'emotional labor' for them (if that's even a problem you're having).
The infatuation with another friend could be related to the above; its something new and exciting, that you haven't had to put the 'work' into yet, so it seems extra inviting; kinda a 'grass-looks-greener' situation. It could also be a genuine connection that would be better than your current relationship. That feeling of having someone who 'gets' you is nice, and I don't want to say its unimportant. But also, a partner can and should, generally, be able to work towards that.
I've been with my wife for about a decade now, and we'll still have times occasionally where we realize each of us look at a problem in completely different directions. I think, in a good relationship, you can work to at least understand each other, even if you don't always agree. If your partner can't or won't do that, and its bothering you, it sounds like you need to either get them to understand that that's a dealbreaker for you (and, maybe, reach an understanding about how their approaching this, and maybe help fix it in some fashion), or else accept that it isn't going to work.
That all is from my opinion; I'm certainly no expert, and notably I'm very much a monogamous person, there may also be poly solutions that could work for you both that aren't so all-or-nothing. I'm also not autistic (though, I'm definitely not neurotypical), so some of the above may be harder or non-applicable to you both.
The "caregiver fatigue" is something I have been experiencing, but I didn't have a name for it. I plan to communicate this with them, as I think it's a lot of the reason I am struggling. You are completely correct about the jobs taking up their energy to really connect, which is why I've been (trying to be) understanding. Thank you so much.