How do you feel when a guy is kind of clingy and possesive? I'm the jealous type and I get suspicious and anxious women im dating or want to date don't message or text me back right away.
I often wonder if I have some type of borderline personality disorder, im so immediately afraid of abandonment. Like immediately I assume the worst if I'm not messaged or texted back right away.
Erroneous and somewhat misogynistic thought often says that women are the ones who are clingy, im here to tell you this is not the case lol. I'm just as clingy and workable moreso than any women I've me
I've gotten some good advice in other threads I've made, but I'll be more specific here.
Possessive screams red flag. It is okay to have insecurities, but when you make them your partners problem by being possessive/jealous that is unfair to them, signals that you dont trust them, and signals that you view them as property. If you behaved this way toward one of my friends I would ask them if they were alright and would let them know my concerns and if they ever needed any material help leaving the relationship I am available to provide that.
Imagine how you would feel if every time you went out with your friends or went to get groceries or went to work your partner was worried that you were cheating or something. And that your partner was bigger than you and capable of killing you, and that your partner's demographic is known for domestic violence. Really take some time to put yourself in that perspective and think about how it would make you feel.
The jealous type is a normalization of an unhealthy behavior. It is not normal for monogamous people to be constantly jealous, it is an indication of an unhealthy perspective/behavior/dynamic. Jealousy is just like pain, if you are constantly feeling it that means there is an injury or you or someone else keep doing something to hurt you. (And if it is relationship agnostic it is probably you) if you are feeling it check in with yourself about what the root problem is. I can guarantee you 99 times out of 100 it isn't your partner, so don't make it their problem. (You can communicate about it as long as you don't blame it on them and don't do controlling behavior like expecting things from them to assuage your own feelings)
On a softer note, it sounds like you're feeling lonely and are worried about being lonelier, and I'm sorry, that shit sucks. Our society makes it really hard to connect to people and maintain ties. If you have the means I'd encourage you to go out their and make more friends (especially with women if you can, because perspective from friends is a million times more helpful than strangers) I've had feelings of jealousy in the past (in nonmonogomous relationships) and I've come to conceptualize them as my feelings letting me know I wasn't getting my needs met, and most of the time those needs were generic intimacy between friends, lovers, etc needs that my partner just wasn't able to fulfill, because theyre one person and I needed more human connection in my life.
I think it is a good idea to talk to a therapist about these feelings, it could just be your feelings, it could be borderline, it could be abandonment trauma, it could be rejection sensitive dsyphoria from adhd
This is an absolutely insightful comment and i love you for making it (platonically).
For me btw, being autistic this is even further hardened by the fact that my brain, against my will, translates longer pauses in communication as rejection/disinterest (i am having problems with texting someone with adhd/major executive dysfunction who just completely forgets to text me for days) and it can overwhelm someone pretty easily.