You left out the best part!
Dear Loyal, Patriot Readers,
Throughout my esteemed career, I have avoided succumbing to the use of what I consider to be the greatest gimmick in all of cartooning: color. Color is the crutch of no-talent hacks, uninspired wannabes, and artless sickos. Previously reserved for that desolate wasteland referred to with unintentional irony as “the Sunday Funnies,” color has spent the past decades seeping further into every section of our beloved newspapers, becoming a CMYK blot on journalistic integrity.
Sadly, the field of Editorial Cartooning has not been immune to this ostentatious scourge. Flim-flamming money-grubbers like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, peddling their gizmos, have brainwashed honest craftsmen into becoming rainbow-vomiting “content creators,” more dedicated to the “beeps” and “boops” of their computers than to sacred cartooning traditions and norms.
I have remained steadfast in my vow to banish not only hues, but also shades of gray from my work. My cartoons are a gift given selflessly to enlighten you to the way I see the world—in stark black-and-white terms…and drawings.
Thus, have I remained resolute…until this week. With a deadline looming and a cold whiskey sour in hand, I looked to the Heavens, as I often do, for inspiration. The vibrant, natural beauty and wonder of the skies adjacent to fire-ravaged landscapes was clearly a sign from beyond that the jubilant season of scarves and jack-’o’-lanterns was upon us.
It was then I knew I must heed the call to echo the expression of the divine in this week’s cartoon. And so, I bestow upon you glorious, life-affirming, freedom-loving ORANGE (0C 50M 100Y 0K)!
Fear not, I have not forsaken my oath, merely provided the exception that proves the rule: Cartoons with color are not worth the newsprint they’re printed on. Except this week.
God bless, Kelly
lmao fuck
Nothing like a good PSL to ease my apocalyptic anxiety
Indeed, Party for Socialism and Liberation do be soothing like that
Pumpkin spice latte, the really shitty one from 7/11
Crafting a personality around pumpkin spice is the 12th form of liberalism, but the pumpkin spice itself is blameless and delicious. Fight me!
Idk I feel like the whole le epic pumpkin spice obsession is something I see people complain about a lot on the internet but not something I've ever seen in real life... sort of like how people on Reddit just know that every single vegan is annoying and uneducated, despite having never met a vegan in their lives. In any case I am all for pumpkin spice!
There's a lot of pumpkin spice-themed shit in stores this time of year, but I don't know anyone who actually decorates that way. Anyway, I find the drinks and foods delicious, and I'm not mad about a silly pumpkin spice mug or tchotchke here and there. I loved fall before it was cool, man. It can get a little silly, but it's harmless aside from the rampant consumerism, but that's just America anyway. At any rate, the attitude towards pumpkin spice season probably has more to do with people loving to be mad at people for liking things.
It's fine to like the way it tastes. There's no ethical consumption under capitalism for any of us. But I think it's important to be cognizant of marketing campaigns designed to induce demand for products. Pumpkin spice is a blend of common spices marketed by McCormick & Co. about ten years ago. It hit at just the right time as people in recession-era America began coping with their lack of financial prospects in two ways: Redefining acceptable luxuries and increased consumption of comfort food (pumpkin pie being one). The seasonality is false scarcity intended to drive consumer psychology (see also the McRib) combined with the comfort food effect creating a positive relationship between the consumer and the product, and prime the consumer with something sweet and endorphin-inducing for the dark days of fall before the busy shopping season. This technique was originally employed by Starbucks, but latched on to by other companies who want to flog shit with cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves in it that you might otherwise not buy as much of.
I think a good project for a better society would be to mark the seasons in ways that aren't so consumerist. People used to have religious and social rituals to mark the changing time of the year, but these days buying stuff is pretty central to the whole thing. Even Dollar Tree has a seasonal section! And sure, it's not just that--people still gather for meals and such, but buying shit fuels so much of it. I think it's a normal human desire to mark the seasons and have some ritual and repetition to life, but I'd like to see us work towards throwing out the stuff that isn't useful.
oh my god now do I have to have a struggle session about how I managed to get manipulated by a fucken micrib what is this life
