Over the past several months, I have seriously thought about the fact that I may be a transgender woman. I have told some people close to me. Some of them I know through left-wing causes/DSA and others are close. I have not told anybody in my family, even though I think they would support me.
Of course, as you likely know, there has been a renewed movement against queer people from the right over the past year or so, not that things were great from them before hand.
I admit, I have worn women's clothing in private and liked it very much. However, I also admit that I have yet to do it publicly. I just feel like I'm waiting for the right opportunity.
Explore what makes you happy and try not to take it too seriously. Very well could be that you come up with a feminine name and present in a feminine way with friends and after a bit you're just like "actually never mind this sucks" and that's cool too. You've gotta figure yourself out.
Or not, I'm not the gender cops
What I’m trying to say here is that you should be true to yourself regardless of outside forces. Work towards a truer you and not what others think you should be. I wish I had done this many years sooner than I did. And you know what? Even if you’re wrong, at least you explored it and didn’t come to regret a path never traveled.
🙏 Insha'Inanna 🙏 preach it
I have been having these thoughts since I was young, and have been fighting against them until recently.
I'm letting myself explore more and making small changes, It feels really good but it's also fucking terrifying.
I shaved my legs for the first time and I instantly felt different and more happy.
I had to do that for swimming and OH it is nice, not on an emotional level for me though. but when you cover your legs with blankets in bed OH MY GOD
ngl being baby trans with all the hypervisibility that comes with it is sometimes scary af in times like these, and i don't even live in the US. It took me waaaaay over a year of questioning and experimenting until i made my first steps in public, and that's only because a very sweet friend of mine who's also trans invited me to come over and visit her in a big city with a huge queer community and show my true self in public for the first time. She knew i needed that before i did, so she put that offer out. It was a lot easier to make these big leaps with somebody by my side, and in a place where i wouldn't run into anybody i know. And once i had done that, i knew i couldn't go back into the closet. I had to live my life the way i wanted to, i gave less and less of a fuck about what people would think, presented more and more androgynous and ... well, i ended up living as a woman full time before i even got on HRT (not by choice, but bc medical gatekeeping in my country is a fuck). And to do it like that, to go full "man in a dress" mode, that's harsh, that's not for everybody. I see a lot of trans people out there, trans women in particular, who publicly stay in boymode until they've gotten a year or so of HRT and have gotten their 5 o'clock shadow lasered and everything else they need to pass, and i'm not judging that. Putting yourself out there is always a bit of a dare.
I'm just saying, even if this scares to everloving shit out of you, you may come to like it. There's a certain power in being a walking gender catastrophy. You broadcast to everybody that you give absolutely zero fucks about what people think and that you can radically accept yourself, with all these supposed flaws and inadequacies of the flesh, and that's something most people nowadays utterly fail at. That's what queer people mean when we say we're out and proud, that joy of being unashamed and true to yourself and stomping on all conventions in size 11 heels.
It's good that you're taking your time and doing this at a pace your comfortable with. It's a big process and each step can take a lot, so even something like making a post like this is good progress . :cat-trans:
A lot of trans people don't start presenting in public until they've been on HRT for a little bit,
If the thought of it doesn't repulse you, I'd give HRT a try, it takes at least a few weeks for anything permanent to happen (super minor breast growth) and the initial effects within the first week or two can give people a lot of confidence, reduce dsyphoria making things easier, and can dismiss a lot of worries and questions.
Other notes that I wish I knew going in
If youre in the US a lot of the country operates on informed consent, so it can be really easy to get hormones, if you find someone but they don't do informed consent, I'd shop around a bit before going to them
If youre not, wait lists are often long so you should act fast, and you might have to do diy hrt.
If you decide hrt is good for you long term, wait a fair bit to do prog, I'd recommend a year and a half but like, 6 months is fine on the low end. Don't let them put you on synthetic prog, you want micronized progesterone (and unfortunately you got to boof if for proper effect)
Also injections or patches are much better, injections more so, but both give you better results and may suppress T without any antiandrogen. If they don't, look into alternatives to spiro because spiro sucks for some people long term.
The first year or so of transitioning is the hardest. Youre actually dealing with a bunch of bottles up stuff instead of bottling it up, and you have to learn to navigate transphobia and misogyny. But it gets a lot easier, so don't give up
Very good advice. HRT saved my life.
For anyone considering it, you really should research things on your own before you see a doctor, because a lot of the doctors frankly don't know very much. A good place to start reading is https://diyhrt.wiki/transfem
It's great that you've gotten to the point where you can write this, and where you've told some friends about how you're feeling. Working out something like your gender identity is really hard, and there are lots of people who never manage it, but go through life knowing something is wrong without ever being able to put a name to, or fix, it.
You should know that a lot of the sort of mainstream or ambient advice on what you should do when you're trans is shit. There's know one way to do things, and trying to follow someone else's script won't work. In particular, a lot of online queer communities have a big liberal American middle class bias. Like the other day I saw comments telling some trans guy from Jordan that he should go see a gender therapist. I don't know much about Jordan, but I'm pretty sure they don't have those there. (Btw if you decide you want to see a gender therapist, try to find one who's also trans. The cis ones are completely useless. This is a hill I will die on).
Presenting female in public in fucking terrifying at first. However, it's not actually some sort of magical step you have to take before you do anything else. There's no reason why you can't do things like take hrt, train your voice, get rid of facial hair, try out new hair styles, without having done that. Also, there's not necessarily a binary presenting male vs presenting female so much as there's many different ways to change how you're perceived. Easing into things with a little androgyny is completely reasonable.
from experience, it's better suffering as an out and proud trans woman than it is to repress your identity. it's not easy but i hope you're more comfortable expressing that part of yourself in the future
