Burner account but I swear I'm a real person here. Hopefully I don't thoroughly dox myself but I'm in my thirties and have, for the first time, been forced to use the dating apps. I hate them. However, I (a cis guy) matched with a vegan, communist (based on profile) woman around my age and now I'm banging my head against a wall trying to think of like how to start a convo? I'm so old and stupid, irl I'm not really that worried about meeting people but this is messing with me.

Edit: to clarify, I am also a vegan communist

  • ChestRockwell [comrade/them, any]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Just be normal, be like "hey, your interest in such and such is cool" and after you each confirm the other isn't a serial killer meet in a bar.

    Seriously, I think the healthiest way to approach this is simply to arrange a meet up somewhere. All the internet conversations in the world can't replace real human connection. The actual "conversation" that's gonna matter is the one you have in person, your job right now is just to prove you're worth meeting up with somewhere.

    So basically, express interest in something she is interested in and then if she replies just suggest a cool bar/coffee shop/vegan joint to meet up at and find out if you actually click.

    If she doesn't reply don't be a creeper. That's the other super important rule.

    Best of luck comrade :rat-salute:

    • KnockYourSocksOff [none/use name]
      ·
      2 years ago

      I honestly have no idea what people mean when they say “meet at a bar/coffee shop.” Like I understand the purpose, but what are you supposed to say lol. Talk about work? Politics? Food?

      I often see the advice “ask questions because people like talking about themselves,” but then what do you do when they never ask you anything and it just starts to feel like an interview :pika-cousin-suffering:

      • ChestRockwell [comrade/them, any]
        ·
        2 years ago

        I mean any and all of the above. Like, if you have opinions about things like pop culture, etc, share them. I mean perhaps it's because I'm a teacher of rhetoric, but I always found people with opinions and spicy takes most interesting.

        The goal is ultimately to just have a conversation. On my first date with my partner (after exchanging messages online) we talked about bands we liked, TV shows (she liked Sherlock, I liked Breaking Bad. We agreed to try each other's shows).

        Btw you might not click and that's fine! I've been on dates where I just totally didn't enjoy the conversation, paid my bill, and left. This is also why drinks is good - you can bail after any number of them if they are bad company.

        The only real topics to avoid are things like exes.

        Avoid overthinking it and just try to have fun comrade.