Burner account but I swear I'm a real person here. Hopefully I don't thoroughly dox myself but I'm in my thirties and have, for the first time, been forced to use the dating apps. I hate them. However, I (a cis guy) matched with a vegan, communist (based on profile) woman around my age and now I'm banging my head against a wall trying to think of like how to start a convo? I'm so old and stupid, irl I'm not really that worried about meeting people but this is messing with me.
Edit: to clarify, I am also a vegan communist
I tried the cursed landscape of both OKcupid AND Tinder in its early days. Neither were good.
Eventually I got set up on a blind date and that was it. Speak to your family and friends guys, for real. Online dating apps are trash.
OKcupid used to be bearable until it was swallowed up by a larger competitor.
Iirc the tinder, okc and one of the other big ones are all owned by the same company lol
Speak to your family and friends guys, for real.
I do that, they refuse to help me. :/
"It'll happen for you" "You have to love yourself first" "It will happen when you're not looking" "Be yourself :)"
TBF to them it's more "We also don't know anybody that's available/interested", so like. It's not quite so patronizing.
Dating isn’t any more fucked up now than it was before. No one is forced to use dating apps
No one is forced to use dating apps
some say it's much harder to meet people to date offline now that so many people are just using the apps --> less people doing things IRL where they might meet eligible dates
I can't say whether this is accurate or not since I'm basically a hermit who hasn't had a social life for my entire adulthood
say this line: "oh woops, I dropped my monster condom, that I use for my magnum dong"
go get em king
Message me her messages and I'll tell you exactly what to say as a love expert.
Honestly I think a lot of these chat message conversations are just luck. The time of day you catch the person, what mood they're in, how tired they are and so on all play a pretty major factor into the outcome of the interaction.
What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't feel bad if it doesn't work out.
Oh and also remember that you're not just there to convince people to date you but you're also there because you have standards too. It's a two way thing.
talk about your interests, and not your job.
say "hey comrade" cause id bet nobody says that. lots of times some kind of question off the bat is good, don't say "hey." gotta stand out in some way.
I always send them a picture of one of my favorite potato varieties! Yukon gold is the way to a girl’s heart, I tell ya that much!
I know this sucks to hear but you should accept that you might bomb out and it probably won't be your fault. Online dating doesn't have the familial vetting process that IRL dating has, which means women gotta be paranoid.
An more positive spin to this is to assume it's probably not gonna work out and just try your best. Just send that shit, find out what does or doesn't work, get comfortable in the saddle again.
Absolutely. Dating is 100% a numbers game. Get in there, it's worth it. :left-unity-4:
I find the most effective strategy is confusion, just pretend from the first message you're already in a relationship. Ask them to pick some stuff up on the way home, tell them their sister called and won't be able to make it for dinner, let them know your fleshlight is dishwasher safe and ask if you could clean it in the dishwasher.
Speak to her in the sexiest accent known to man, Italian. Here, I'll give you some basic sayings.
"HELLO! IT'S-A ME, MARIO!" Translation: "Hello. How are you this fine day?"
"OOOOOH MAMA MIAAAAA!" Translation: "That is not good."
"YA, WAH, YAHOOOOO!" Translation: "I find you attractive and wish to have sexual relations"
*THANK YOU SO MUCH-A FOR TO PLAYING MY GAME!" Translation: "Thank you for the sexual relations."
God dammit im at this show and just burst out laughing and fuckin everybody looked at me :ooooooooooooooh:
I definitely think I can incorporate more "YAHOOOO"s into my life
Just be normal, be like "hey, your interest in such and such is cool" and after you each confirm the other isn't a serial killer meet in a bar.
Seriously, I think the healthiest way to approach this is simply to arrange a meet up somewhere. All the internet conversations in the world can't replace real human connection. The actual "conversation" that's gonna matter is the one you have in person, your job right now is just to prove you're worth meeting up with somewhere.
So basically, express interest in something she is interested in and then if she replies just suggest a cool bar/coffee shop/vegan joint to meet up at and find out if you actually click.
If she doesn't reply don't be a creeper. That's the other super important rule.
Best of luck comrade :rat-salute:
I honestly have no idea what people mean when they say “meet at a bar/coffee shop.” Like I understand the purpose, but what are you supposed to say lol. Talk about work? Politics? Food?
I often see the advice “ask questions because people like talking about themselves,” but then what do you do when they never ask you anything and it just starts to feel like an interview :pika-cousin-suffering:
I mean any and all of the above. Like, if you have opinions about things like pop culture, etc, share them. I mean perhaps it's because I'm a teacher of rhetoric, but I always found people with opinions and spicy takes most interesting.
The goal is ultimately to just have a conversation. On my first date with my partner (after exchanging messages online) we talked about bands we liked, TV shows (she liked Sherlock, I liked Breaking Bad. We agreed to try each other's shows).
Btw you might not click and that's fine! I've been on dates where I just totally didn't enjoy the conversation, paid my bill, and left. This is also why drinks is good - you can bail after any number of them if they are bad company.
The only real topics to avoid are things like exes.
Avoid overthinking it and just try to have fun comrade.
A friend of mine opened with "I eat ass on the first date" and he's engaged to that person now so YMMV.
I feel like you gotta be very hot but also in a casual, fun way to make these types of brazen openers work because there’s a 0% chance any woman would find that funny if I sent that message
