Have any queer vibes to share? Here's your place! :hexbear-pride:
Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
:no-copyright: No cishets allowed :blob-no:
I started HRT last week! :transshork-happy:
...I also learned the hard way that when the manufacturer says that your estradiol patch won't fall off in the shower, that's a fucking lie. When they tell you that in the exceedingly unlikely event that it does fall off, you can just stick it back on, that is also a fucking lie. So that's half a month's supply gone in like five days, and I also get to experience the unparalleled joy of figuring out what size Tegaderm dressings will fit over these things.
At least the T blockers are doing their thing and my brain doesn't feel like the Metallica song "Battery" is just blasting on repeat 24/7.
Perfect timing! I think I might be gay. How can you tell?
But I wasn't always like this. I swear I was bi, with maybe a preference for men, for quite a while. That was definitely real. The only thing that changed recently is I increased my progesterone dose. Is that a thing? Did prog make me gay?
Which, ok, is kind of funny, but it's also fucking me up. At some level, see being attracted to women as a thing men do, and I don't like that. It makes me feel like a creepy predator, which sucks. I'm not sure I like this, and I wish I could go back to being into men, but I don't think it will happen because this just feels different.
being attracted to women as a thing men do
Ma'am, there is an entire world of sapphic literature, poetry, and art. The "female gaze" is pretty distinct from the the male gaze, and women who are cool won't resent you for having these feelings.
That said, as a pan switch, sometimes when I become a bit obsessive with one facet of my orientation, it seems to mean that I need to get it out of my system. You might find your attraction to men again if you allow yourself to explore your fem attraction in some way until your brain is satiated.
Sounds like me but gender swapped? Took me for ever to realize I wasn't straight and that bi/pan is a thing. Now I'm openly bi (cooler flag than the pan, get a cooler flag pans), but usually find myself with guys much more than gals. I have a hard time approaching women cause I'm a big bald bearded white cis(ish?)-guy and I feel like a fucking creep. Luckily the gays are into the type so I don't need to approach that much.
I question my biness constantly, but I think it's more of a societal pressure thing and the fact that... hooking up with guys is so fucking easy. I'd say your feelings of "invading" het spaces is also societal, and unless you're permanently down bad, you'll notice that you're not checking anybody out in whatever space.
I can really recommend hanging out in lesbian spaces, it helped me a lot to see how stereotypically sapphic i am lol. Seriously, that really made a ton of feelings and experiences i've had throughout my life finally make sense, i'm just a queer woman and would be one even if i would've been born a cis girl, lesbian culture just makes me feel at home and understood and i like that way of loving women so much more than the straight dude way of loving women. Being a straight man and being a queer woman are just two entirely seperate orientations, and in hindsight my attraction to women was always a lesbian one, just as my attraction to men was always a straight one.
When i got on HRT, i actually had a pronounced phase where i felt fully lesbian - and also mostly ace. I went through the usual thing where the cyproterone just wrecked my libido for a couple months, so i was left only with the not directly sexual modes of attraction, and it turns out that while i'm attracted to women and many nonbinary people in all the ways there are, romantically, sensually, aesthetically, platonically, and sexually, my attraction towards men (or at least most men) and enbies that fall more on the masc side is almost entirely a sexual one. So without much of a sex drive, that part of me went missing until my new libido had fully settled in (and yes, that part is absolutely different than pre-HRT, like, i orgasm differently now and all that). Given that progesterone supresses testosterone, your upped dose could very well have a similar effect. On the other hand, a lot of people report that prog makes them hornier, so maybe it's the opposite for you and your attraction to women is more of a sexual thing that comes more to the foreground now. Regardless, it's worth keeping an eye on this and just wait how it develops.
Lol so what you're saying is that I need to touch grass? I might have known.
more of a sexual thing
That kind of makes it seem worse, but maybe. Like a lot of mental het effects it's hard to describe. I definitely went through a randomly horny phase for like a month when I started prog tho and I thought I was over it.
HRT is so weird. I look different now, but I wish the physical changes were more dramatic because the way I feel is much, much different, and it doesn't match.
Lol so what you’re saying is that I need to touch grass?
idk maybe i'm also suggesting to touch boobs lmao :wink: i get how it can be a difficult subject, although i'm struggling with the other side of being bi personally. Dating guys suddenly becomes a lot scarier when you realize you're a girl, and it doesn't help that there's all this fetishization and trans panic stuff on top of all the other crap straight-dating women have to put up with. But i also see where you're coming from, there's some unlearning involved in fully realizing your lesbian side. I was kinda lucky in that regard, i just had to realize that there's this conditioned layer of male-gazyness and masculine attitudes towards relationships that just isn't me and poof, it was gone, like all the other stuff that i could simply disbelief out of existence once i became aware i never want to be seen as a man again. But i get how this stuff can be more baked in for others, or harder to seperate from what you want yourself. I mean, i've always been attracted to women in a way that was different from the guys, to begin with i always was into different women than them because most dudes don't share my fondness of soft butches and hard femmes, and i've also always had that sapphic attitude of being more accepting of tall, big, muscular, masc-presenting or older women and WoC, while finding conventionally attractive girls kinda ... boring tbh if they didn't have some kind of alt style or if they couldn't win me over with things like personality. But there's guys with my kind of attitude, too, and there's girls that desire other girls in a way that's a lot more masc than what's going on with me, and neither of that is a bad thing.
Thank you for writing that, it honestly kind of helped. Thebway you described your attraction to women was pretty relatable actually.
Figuring out the whole dating men thing is scary too, but it's different for me anyway because it's about men often being shitty rather than my own weird self hate issues. But whatever, hopefully I'll find a t4t partner someday and none of this will matter.
T goes fast for HRT, E is the one that takes forever. And to be honest if I like sat down and was the designer of sex hormones - I'd probably make T the fast and aggressive one and E the one that's gentler and takes its time lol.
Thinking about how I've always been more self-conscious about being a man than about being manly
This month, i could celebrate half a year on HRT and my first transiversary. And it's all coming along nicely, i am actually beginning to pass at least once in a while which is something i just couldn't believe in when i started out. Got my third laser hair removal session on monday, and things are shaping up nicely in that regard, my beard shadow is already barely visible even without makeup when the lighting's good. Feeling a lot less stubbly, too. Voice lessons are going great as well, i've gained half an octave during the first 20 sessions, i can pass on the phone, but ofc there's still a lot of work to do if i want to keep my voice up in longer conversations and i still need a lot of finetuning to fully sound how i want to. But i can do that. Oh, and i also have an appointment for september where i talk SRS through with my surgeon. The waiting list is a fuck, but i may be able to hit the beach in a swimsuit in the summer of 2025!
Congratulations! IMO you're making amazing progress, I'm in about the same place as you but I've been on E for like 14 months now.
As some of you may heard, I got my first skirt. I think I will order a top and some thigh highs today, and also get some nail paint/mascara at the store. But I want to up my protein intake and eat at roughly a 200 calorie deficit, with some luck I should be able to build muscle and lose fat at the same time to get a nice fit femboy look. Also, I have been getting "The Town Inside Me" tiktok slideshows.
What makes this complicated is that it seems like my genetics have always wanted me to be more of a bear or at least more of a bigger guy like Chairman Rose from Pokemon Sword/Shield (but not as attractive). At my most masc, I would like to be a twunk and at my most fem, I want to be hard to distinguish from a woman.
Now it's time I experimented with a guy, what are some ways to do experimentation with no pressure or anything?
Coming out to family and friends as agender. All been very positive so far, feels really good.
That sucks, I am sorry to hear that :(
:meow-hug:
I am certainly very lucky in how cool my family is.
Ever have one of those "everything makes sense in retrospect" moments? Mine was when I recently remembered how much I liked 1980s swords-and-sorcery movies as a kid, because I liked to watch all characters of all genders and thought it would be nice to be their friend.
So I recently watched a bunch back-to-back.
Yeah... :flag-bi-pride:
Conan the Destroyer (1984), Throne of Fire (1983), Sorceress (1982), Amazons (1986), Phoenix the Warrior (1988). The last one's more post-apocalyptic than sword-and-sorcery, but it's definitely in the spirit of the theme.
Throne of Fire is very easy on the eyes, but the villain (who's a total cutie) is quite possibly the most Bond-villain-esque evil prince I've ever seen in fantasy movie. He's a ruthless murderer to unnamed characters, but he keeps understaffing his guards watching his VIP prisoners, which leads to multiple escapes by the main characters. It's really lazy writing. Still a dumb fun movie though.
Throne of Fire
Looked it up, top user review on imdb fits really well with your realisation
Will you like this movie? Well, that depends. Are you a red blooded heterosexual man who would like to watch Sabrina Siani? Are you a red blooded homosexual man who wants to watch men go bare chested? Do you want to watch lots of people get immolated? Then hurry on down to The Throne of Fire!
september 22nd 2022 was the worst day of my life. i'm going to spend the next year trying to undo a surgery i didn't really want or kill myself if that's not in sight by the end of may 2024. i can't invest years of my life being miserable again
ironically, medical gatekeeping failed me by making it so hard to get surgery in the first place and scared of saying no at the last minute and having to get back in line to wait for surgery again. anyone who thinks gatekeeping for trans surgeries is helpful is a fucking moron
There's a giant mirror in fencing class (like you would see in a dance hall). I did not know my butt got that big... I remember trying on some dresses about a few weeks ago and being shocked that I actually have curves. I didn't think it would happen. I've only been doing HRT for a little over a year and all my trans friends said to expect being more boxy forever and the doc said it would take a couple years before the fat distribution really finished. I guess I didn't see it at first because it happened slowly but it was a shock to see I have hips, bust and a slimmer waist.
I had made peace with boy chest and everything, I thought it was a good look tbh. But I gotta say I'm digging feminine curves. Also, my shoe size shrank??? I can't wear my old boy style shoes - which is a shame cause they were super broken in and comfy 😭
Me, every past year: mm idk Pride just doesn't feel like my scene, I'm too shy and reserved, I'm not confident enough, I just don't think I'd fit in :cheems:
Me, after a year of this shit (also I have tiddies now): I am going to be the gayest skank and the skankiest gay at this motherfucker :lady-doge:
