He’s been an absolute monster throughout this divorce and any time I criticize him, he acts like I don’t like him being with men. Bro, I am begging you to get a steady boyfriend. I am begging you to be a slut and go get some dick. I am begging you to go on dates and do cute things with someone you enjoy. Do literally anything gay as long as it makes you happy. I want to see you happy. I want to be able to think of you as anything other than a chaos demon. It’s been nice seeing my mom happy after moving on. I want to see my dad happy. But his internalized homophobia and biphobia’s got him convinced that the man he’s been fucking and cohabitating with and going on dates with and coparenting his children with for 6 months is “just a friend” and that I don’t approve because I’m grossed out by gay people.
For context, I am a 6’4” fully bearded demi-man who exclusively wears leggings and thigh highs. My hair is grown down to my ass and dyed in a teal to sea foam ombre. I’ve got a nose ring and my nails are typically manicured. My watch wristband is a trans flag and my other bracelet is rainbow colored. The two times I got detention in high school it was for punching a kid who kept telling my lesbian friend she was going to hell. I’m not saying that queer people can’t be homophobic. I’m just saying that I’ve been very open about how I feel about queerness and have done nothing to signal to my father that he’s an exception.
Edit: I also wanted to include that the state of the older gay community in our area is an absolute mess. More of the men that he’s been with were deeply closeted than weren’t. Like, “church pastor with a wife and 3 kids” closeted.
Post this on r/trueanon, they'll put your dad straight (lol) after relentlessly sucking his dick for hours on end
Suck his soul out through his dick like it’s a Dementor’s Kiss (he likes Harry Potter so I think he would approve)
Sounds to me like he thinks you're "Being Gay The Wrong Way (TM)" and hate his ways of doing it, he seems jealous because he's not brave enough to be that out and about.
I'd print out your post here and pop it through his letterbox. You be the chaos demon for a change of pace :D
The issue with that is that I didn’t come out or start looking this way until after the divorce was done and he was already doing this. So I guess you could say me attending pride parades as a “cishet” person and laying out a christofascist-in-training could still count but I sure hope he doesn’t feel judged by me attending pride. I dunno. I’m no contact for unrelated reasons and am not planning to chaos demon his letterbox any time soon.
Sounds like a defense mechanism, anytime he feels uncomfortable it's your fault for making him feel that way. Easier to do that than confront actually feelings. (Side note: it never fails that people who want to be "manly men" and "don't feel emotions" are completely controlled by their emotions because they cannot recognise and deal with them).
My advice would be to challenge him on it. When he says you're uncomfortable with him dating men, tell him "your kid who was going to pride events before you came out and got detention for defending it's gay friends is uncomfortable with it's dad being gay. Do you really think that, or is there something else going on?" Likely he'll continue to deflect and dodge the question, but at least in making him more uncomfortable you can help him on his path to dealing with his feelings.
Good luck. Definitely not an easy situation to deal with, but it sounds like you'll be fine regardless.
