I keep procrastinating and tanking my grades lmao
Getting addicted to opiates in my senior year of high school because I believed I was built different and wouldn't get addicted.
I was extremely clinically depressed and none of the dozen different SSRI/SNRIs I had been prescribed did jack shit. Then my dentist prescribed me Hydrocodone after I had my wisdom teeth removed. When I took them for the first time it was like a switch flipped, my depression and social anxiety instantly melted away. I became out going and a much more dedicated student. I literally felt as though I had found the answer to everything. So when my prescription ran out, I sought out more opiates to use them as anti-depressants. I told myself I would never use them just to get high until I did. I told myself I'd never increase the dose or switch to a stronger opiate until I did.
After a few months of what I like to call the opioid honey moon phase, it all falls apart. Eventually your tolerance builds up to a point where you are no longer even getting high, but regardless you need to keep taking them or you'll get sick. It feels like the worst flu you've ever had times 10. This leads to chasing the dragon, rapidly increasing your dose in a vain attempt to recreate the first few highs. It always feels like a little bit more will get you there, but it never does. Each successive dose increase makes it nigh impossible to go back down to a lower dose without withdrawals, and it makes the withdrawals themselves even worse and longer lasting.
My experience has been exactly that, and it catastrophically derailed my life. I'm a few years clean now thanks to buprenorphine, and I still haven't fully recovered from this.
Tianeptine addict here. Solidarity. I still vividly remember the withdrawl feelings a few years later. Ghastly.
well i was born a boy, that was a p colossal fuck up
other than that i guess developing a drinking problem when i was like 13
My first girlfriend told me her grandfather died recently at the time. He was a mechanic during the Vietnam war. I think I might’ve subconsciously insinuated that he deserved to die. I don’t think I said anything explicit or hostile, I just complained about how unjust the war is and the people who fought on the American side. Or something about how they had “no excuses”
Anyway our relationship lasted about 4 months.
She was the only other person who I could talk about anti imperialism and history with IRL and now she’s gone :dead-dove-3: Her reason for breaking up wasn’t because of that, but it’s one hell of a coincidence don’t you think
Hexbear moment holy fuck.
4 months ain't a bad run. Learn, grow, maybe don't focus so much on individual incidents. There'll be other loves.
My biggest failure was being a chuddy shit as a kid because my entire family are racist as fuck.
Unfortunatly for them, they decided they didn't want to pay for my education, so I went to school with a bunch of poor people from lots of different races who sorted my racist ass out very fast.
Bullying works, folks. Thanks to them I learnt that that shit is not okay.
Pretty sure you as a child are not responsible as for your actions as a child. So checkmate there lib. Especially since when you get your first taste of any kidn rela life you sorted out.
It’s kinda funny because my family and I live in a pretty diverse place. Lots of Mexican, black, and some Asian and white people. But for whatever reason, they seem to have a problem with all of them to the point of discriminating against them all lol.
I’ve had black kids and Mexican kids bully me but it never really crossed my mind to be racist. I mean, I was unfortunately racist for a period of time, but it just seemed so foreign to me because a lot of best friends were black and Hispanic.
Anyway, my point is I grew up in the same neighborhood as them and my relationships consist of normal friendships and individual conflicts. But somehow they’re unable to get along with anybody lol. Their idea of “bonding” is complaining about random black people annoying them or doing something that’s vaguely rude if you squint hard enough and I’m just like :jesse-wtf:
Making a snap decision in my bedroom after a stressful exam to drop Computer Science and "try arts for a while." Then coming back and doing it again the next year.
Needless to say i'm back lol
Rarely studied and didn't see tutors either time. Let it be a lesson to anyone thinking of watching youtube clips or playing hoi4 (somehow the least embarrassing waste of time lmao) instead of prepping yourself for that course you know is coming up.
Looking into "supplements" for my anxiety lead to a horrible tianeptine addiction, and an even longer addiction to phenibut.
Going back further, I spent a lot of time chasing and then in a relationship with someone I was not compatible with. Admittedly, I left things horribly, but doing much better now. I just spent 18 to 28 with this person, and feel like I missed out on a lot of things I should have been enjoying, and as a result, I have very few friends these days.
And going back even FURTHER, I feel like I never really advocated for myself a lot over the course of my life. Recently, I've been better about putting my foot down and trying to stand up for myself when called for, but yeah. It definitely fucked up my social development.
I kinda ghosted a girl who liked me when she really didn't deserve it. I was at a point in my life where I wasn't used to receiving affection and didn't really want it or know how to respond to it, but she at least deserved some kind of explanation. That's being a teenager for you, glad I outgrew that sort of conflict avoidance.
I heavily relate with the first part of your story. I'm glad to hear that you've recovered from it. I'm going to try therapy, that helped me with my social anxiety so hopefully it will help with my procrastination.
Gambled away hundreds of thousands of dollars and almost all my money because my trading eventually became a gambling addiction
How did you even end up with that kind of money in the first place?
I started off with my entire life savings + student loans (lol) of a couple ten thousand
Avoiding all romantic and sexual thoughts since it's very anxiety inducing .
I mean my life is fine but this probably isn't the healthiest course of action
I used to have such extreme social anxiety as a kid that I would refuse to go to school, refuse to talk at all, run away, etc. It is a genuine miracle I passed middle school and high school considering I would be gone for weeks at a time, but I truly fucked up a lot of opportunities later in life by doing that, and caused a lot of strife with my family.
Almost drowning myself when I was 4 because I didn't stop to think about whether I could swim before jumping in the pool
Or in my adult life, dropping out of community college the first time because I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed
This was almost 15 years ago. A couple of years before I even realized I was trans, I was trying to cope, and was dealing with some body image issues related to feeling like I was too thin as a guy. As a way of compensating, this meant I had a habit of wearing baggy clothes to make myself look bigger (even during summer), and long sleeves to hide my thin arms that made me insecure. Because I wanted to pursue a career in game development, I started this programming course in college. On my first day there, I realized that I was the only student in my class with programming experience, and that my first year was going to be a walk in the park. Then right before class ended that day, the teacher told us that we'd be expected to bring our gym clothes the next day to some sort of introduction event involving sports activities, to get to know the other students a little bit better. I immediately panicked, because I was afraid people would then see my thin arms. (I guess all of a sudden I forgot about the existence of long sleeve sportswear) After I got home, I made up excuses to my parents about why I didn't like this course, and that I had a bad first impression. I then made the call, and told them I wanted to drop out. And that was that. One of the most bizarre and dumbest decisions I've ever made.
Funny thing is, I had a lot of athletic talent when I was a teenager, so I could've shown off. :yea: At least I never stopped programming though.
