CW: Alcoholism, binge drinking, blackouts
spoiler
I've spoken before about having a parent with serious alcoholism problems before here somewhere, but I personally relapsed after trying to get sober for awhile and feel really shitty about it. I got wasted early in the day, and then went through shit I had to get done at home drunk around 3-ish throughout the day and just kept taking a gluggluglugglug kind of swig from an 80 proof bottle after each chore, and eventually ended up going to bed early, then woke up completely confused and thinking I was in my back yard instead of my bedroom for some reason and it took me like 10 minutes to figure out where I was while being scared and pathetic and alone. I don't want to fucking be like this anymore. I've been to AA meetings before and was really offput by the weird pseudo-Calvinist shit and would appreciate some kind of secular and preferable left-friendly options for getting sober because I'm in really bad shape mentally right now and don't really have any faith in the typical avenues where people go to when they want to get help.
Everyone's experience with alcoholism is a bit different, so I'll give you a timeline of different things I tried and what I think of their effectiveness. I was never a hard liquor guy, but I would pound beers until I passed out nearly every day at my worst. YMMV depending on what personal red lines you've crossed at this point. Some people may need to check themselves into rehab, some people can "white knuckle" it. There's no shame in doing what works. Whatever you choose, please try to do it with purpose, and have someone you're accountable to.
First attempt: AA (length of attempt: 2 months maybe?)
I tried this after I was put on a 3 day psychiatric hold (unrelated). It was pretty much forced on me or I would lose my living situation. I didn't want to do it at the time, but I had no other options. This might be effective if you're gung ho about it, but it very much felt like a "you get what you put in" kind of approach. It will probably not be for you (or work) if you resent it. Groups will vary, and some will feel like they have to use it as a crutch that sometimes fails them. This is usually the first and last thing people try because it is the most numerous in terms of chapters. It's worth a shot at least once, but its effectiveness is probably right around 5%.
2nd attempt: Moderation Management
I do not recommend this if you are experiencing physical (not mental) addiction. MM involves continuing to drink, but regulating the amount to be just below the SAMSHA definition of alcoholism. It is something that every alcoholic wishes they could do, but it usually involves just having constant cravings for liquor. I found myself lying on their "drink tracker" after about three weeks.
3rd attempt: State enforced probation
This is not a road you want to go down. I had to do this for a year after I got a DWI. You have no other option but to not drink, or you will go to jail. This lasted for about a year until my formal probation ended. This will work temporarily if you want to self impose a type of crisis on yourself (EG: Checking yourself into rehab for a month), but you will have to maintain your sobriety in some other way when you're not being checked on every day. As a side note, I found myself seeking out "legal and grey area" highs during this period. You may find yourself doing the same.
4th attempt: Reading: ‘This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life,’ by Annie Grace
This book is written in the style of psychoanalysis. It was very effective in helping me stop drinking, but it does not give a ton of maintenance advice. It covers a ton of the medical goings on of alcoholism, as well as how it's presented in the media. It very much presents itself as "This book will do the heavy lifting for you, you will want to not drink instead of feeling compelled to do so". Solid book, but it can't be the only thing you try.
-A few years of relapse pass-
5th (and current) attempt: SMART Recovery
This has been effective for me over the last two years. I haven't touched a drink since trying this method. SMART is basically applied Cognitive Behavior Therapy. You will find yourself doing a ton of paperwork identifying root causes for your drinking as well as coping strategies for how to combat them. Ultimately it sounds a bit boring and labor intensive, but it gives you tools to combat urges when they arise. I found myself carrying around a little cheat card in my wallet during stressful situations, and that helped a ton when it got really bad. Their manual is on LibGen if you don't want to pay for it (although I think you should if you find that it worked for you, AA seems to be the only org with a budget).
They also have a group component similar to AA without some of the shaming that you might find in that organization. DM me and I can point you in the direction of the online group that I used when I was first starting (meets on Sundays). The discussion leader is an extremely gentle guy who's been through it. It's very low stakes if you just want to observe on Zoom or whatever. SMART is supposed to be applicable to all addictions, so you might find yourself in a group with people addicted to other substances. I found that having a group that you're accountable to helps a lot. There is a friends and family group session available if you feel that you need someone close to you for assistance as well.
Ultimately, most people who stay dry find success through "white knuckling" through the pain without help. You won't like doing this method, but is by the numbers the most successful method.
Thank you so much for your perspective. Since my initial post, I've been trying to at a minimum quit hard liquor and have been trying moderation management. SMART definitely seems like the highest recommendation from other people that replied too. I've white knuckled it in the past and managed to stay dry for most of a year, then life circumstances got really choppy and I fell off the wagon. I've done that kind of cycle multiple times with different interval lengths and intensities of relapses. The book you mentioned in your fourth attempt sounds like something I'll definitely want to check out.
I think the act of "quitting" is probably the hardest, but the "maintenance" phase of being sober is probably the trickiest (speaking as someone who can't seem to finally get cigarettes out of my life). I wish you the best of luck, and know that there's people here and in these groups that want you to succeed and will help you if asked.
I definitely agree with you about the struggle of "maintenance". Most addictions leave cravings, and also make it easier for any kind of use to end up back where you started.