I personally relapsed after trying to get sober for awhile and feel really shitty

hey so i think it's important to reframe how you see this. yes, you stumbled. but think of yourself as someone who is in the process of learning to be sober. people aren't immediately perfect from the starting gun, it takes time and practice. try not to focus on perceived "failures". instead focus on this

I don't want to fucking be like this anymore.

this is your way out. it's the most important step and it's the hardest one, and you've already got it done.

for advice, i recommend addiction displacement to something less harmful. it's not ideal but it has a good success rate in my experience. weed is a good choice if you can get it, but lots of things can work depending on what you have trouble giving up. for me it was the hand-to-mouth motion (former smoker and alcoholic) so weed was a natural choice. maybe for you it's just the escape from your feelings, or pain relief, or social lubrication, whatever. if you can figure out the reason why you drink then you'll be well-positioned to move forward.

idk if this is coherent it's 6 am and i am dead but i hope you make it through! it's possible and life on the other side of booze is absolutely worth struggling for.

If you don't like AA, maybe consider going to SMART? It's like AA without the religious elements. There are usually quite a few SMART meetings available, and if none are in your area, you can always call in online.

Another thing might be, though this might be impractical in your situation, having someone else control spending/shopping, so you never get the chance to buy the high proof alcohol in the first place. Just an idea.

I'm sure people will jump in to say this is probably not the best suggestion and I don't think this is true for everyone, but if you aren't prone to abusing pain killers taking a moderate dose of Kratom twice a day does wonders for killing my urge to drink, like almost completely shuts off the impulse. I've had a friend claim he was addicted to the stuff but I genuinely don't see how you even get to that point, I saw almost no tolerance build up after most of a year and it makes me nauseous/drowsy if I take too much.

Non religous AA orgs

https://www.aasecular.org/

https://www.sossobriety.org/

https://smartrecovery.org/

Hi, I'm the creator of this comm. Ironically, I'm mostly sober, just being a struggling alcoholic that can't seem to make it past a couple weeks. I'm very well versed in alcoholism. If I'm drinking, I'm just chugging straight out of my gallon of vodka every 30 minutes while I do the dishes and such. I would love to give you the tips I've learned over my time getting more sober. I'm still not to a point I can call myself sober, but I'm doing way better than I was a year ago, and I think that's the important part. Seriously, if you ever need someone to DM, DM me. I'll send you a message after this so that we can kinda keep in touch. I have a sobriety buddy on here, and recently learned that I'm kinda someone else's sobriety buddy on here. Hexbear has been an amazing sobriety resource on here.

First off, withdrawals. Do you get the shakes when you don't drink? Do you sweat uncontrollably when you're sober? If so, your first step is going to a hospital in the morning before you start drinking. Alcohol withdrawal can be deadly, it's what killed Amy Winehouse, if you're having symptoms of physical addiction please go to the hospital or maybe urgent care if you know a cool one. Be honest with them, you're an alcoholic trying to quit and you're in withdrawal. They will respect you, and help you more the more you're honest with them. Nobody is going to shame an alcoholic whose sober. They will give you meds that will help. Be honest about how much you drink too, they won't judge you, they're just trying to figure out how much of the meds they should give you. Librium is what's typically given, it will really help with cravings and withdrawal, especially if you go to a decent ER. Be warned though, shit is a benzo, they don't give you enough for it to be a problem, but don't get hooked on it. One time I got given ativan for it and I kinda hated that, librium is way better.

Second, other people have said it, but I love SMART recovery. They're secular, and they include behavioral addictions which is one of my favorite parts. I've talked to sex addicts and video game addicts that have gone just as low as I have in my drug addictions, and it makes me feel a lot less crazy. Like addiction isn't JUST the drugs and your "bad decisions" but just a part of being human. Seriously, I LOVE SMART. Even if you don't, just talking to people like you is good. The program is less important than the aspect of not feeling alone. AA is too religious for me, it makes me really uncomfortable, and as someone who has had a near death experience, I make the christians real uncomfortable. I even 100 percent believe in an abstract higher power, but AA is too much.

Third, this is a tip another Hexbear user gave me, but start writing letters to yourself. Think about why you drink, why you don't want to drink, the things you want to maintain/build by not drinking. Write to yourself like you're watching a close friend do what you're doing. How you love them and hate to see them destroy their life with alcohol. Write letters to people who have hurt you if that's a factor. You don't have to show anything to anybody else, you just have to get your thoughts out somewhere. Do not bottle up all your feelings, the only way to handle that is by exploding from the emotions fermenting, drinking to ignore it, or both. Write your feelings out, seriously it's made a huge difference. When I was withdrawaling bad as fuck earlier this week, I had the cheap choice of going to buy more vodka, or spending the $100 it would take to get to the ER and get my prescriptions. I put on my shoes to go grab the liquor, but then I decided to write a letter to myself, and decided to go to the ER to be free of the physical dependence.

Fourth, is psychiatric help. I'm in a free outpatient rehab program that has therapists and psychs that have training in MAT, so I'm lucky. I'm super fucking lucky getting this in the US. But this has helped a lot in my alcoholism. I'm so upset thinking about having to tell my therapist about that last paragraph tomorrow. It's not that she's going to make me feel like shit, she'll make me feel better about the situation. But I'm accountable to someone, and that's really hard sometimes but it's worth it. She listened to the standards I want to hold for myself, and helps me keep them. Also, getting on zoloft for my social anxiety made me less dependent on alcohol for my energy, social abilities, sleep, ect... Risperidone for psychotic symptoms and sleep. I'm gonna ask them to put me on camperal next time I'm in for the urges to drink.

Fifth, is weed. Specifically CBN. Get some edibles with CBN, some made by you or your friend will have CBN because you technically made them "wrong" (but that's a whole 'nother conversation because CBN makes edibles way better). CBN is psychoactive CBD, it's like a weed benzo, it's absolutely amazing. It'll help you through withdrawals, and will help you with cravings. I mean, why drink when you can have a way better "downer" experience?

Six, is take magnesium and b12. Separate from being sober, liquor (and drugs mostly) drain your body's magnesium and b12 quite a bit, and this can have quite major consequences, such as constant muscle tension, and semi-permanent dissociation in the case of b12. They make hangovers way better. But these also help quite a bit with withdrawals.

Seventh, is psychedelics. I put down fentanyl after a shrooms trip when I looked in the mirror and just asked "what the fuck am I doing with my life?". I looked so shitty from my addiction, I realized everything it was making me give up. I started tapering and got off in 2 weeks with the taper. I cried for a bit, then got on with the rest of my trip and had a fun time. It really helped me.

I wish you the best of luck. Feel free to vent here anytime, and my DMs are always open

Everyone's experience with alcoholism is a bit different, so I'll give you a timeline of different things I tried and what I think of their effectiveness. I was never a hard liquor guy, but I would pound beers until I passed out nearly every day at my worst. YMMV depending on what personal red lines you've crossed at this point. Some people may need to check themselves into rehab, some people can "white knuckle" it. There's no shame in doing what works. Whatever you choose, please try to do it with purpose, and have someone you're accountable to.

First attempt: AA (length of attempt: 2 months maybe?)

I tried this after I was put on a 3 day psychiatric hold (unrelated). It was pretty much forced on me or I would lose my living situation. I didn't want to do it at the time, but I had no other options. This might be effective if you're gung ho about it, but it very much felt like a "you get what you put in" kind of approach. It will probably not be for you (or work) if you resent it. Groups will vary, and some will feel like they have to use it as a crutch that sometimes fails them. This is usually the first and last thing people try because it is the most numerous in terms of chapters. It's worth a shot at least once, but its effectiveness is probably right around 5%.

2nd attempt: Moderation Management

I do not recommend this if you are experiencing physical (not mental) addiction. MM involves continuing to drink, but regulating the amount to be just below the SAMSHA definition of alcoholism. It is something that every alcoholic wishes they could do, but it usually involves just having constant cravings for liquor. I found myself lying on their "drink tracker" after about three weeks.

3rd attempt: State enforced probation

This is not a road you want to go down. I had to do this for a year after I got a DWI. You have no other option but to not drink, or you will go to jail. This lasted for about a year until my formal probation ended. This will work temporarily if you want to self impose a type of crisis on yourself (EG: Checking yourself into rehab for a month), but you will have to maintain your sobriety in some other way when you're not being checked on every day. As a side note, I found myself seeking out "legal and grey area" highs during this period. You may find yourself doing the same.

4th attempt: Reading: ‘This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life,’ by Annie Grace

This book is written in the style of psychoanalysis. It was very effective in helping me stop drinking, but it does not give a ton of maintenance advice. It covers a ton of the medical goings on of alcoholism, as well as how it's presented in the media. It very much presents itself as "This book will do the heavy lifting for you, you will want to not drink instead of feeling compelled to do so". Solid book, but it can't be the only thing you try.

-A few years of relapse pass-

5th (and current) attempt: SMART Recovery

This has been effective for me over the last two years. I haven't touched a drink since trying this method. SMART is basically applied Cognitive Behavior Therapy. You will find yourself doing a ton of paperwork identifying root causes for your drinking as well as coping strategies for how to combat them. Ultimately it sounds a bit boring and labor intensive, but it gives you tools to combat urges when they arise. I found myself carrying around a little cheat card in my wallet during stressful situations, and that helped a ton when it got really bad. Their manual is on LibGen if you don't want to pay for it (although I think you should if you find that it worked for you, AA seems to be the only org with a budget).

They also have a group component similar to AA without some of the shaming that you might find in that organization. DM me and I can point you in the direction of the online group that I used when I was first starting (meets on Sundays). The discussion leader is an extremely gentle guy who's been through it. It's very low stakes if you just want to observe on Zoom or whatever. SMART is supposed to be applicable to all addictions, so you might find yourself in a group with people addicted to other substances. I found that having a group that you're accountable to helps a lot. There is a friends and family group session available if you feel that you need someone close to you for assistance as well.

Ultimately, most people who stay dry find success through "white knuckling" through the pain without help. You won't like doing this method, but is by the numbers the most successful method.