He called me this morning to let me have it over the phone. Then he asked me if I wanted a ride to the store. Yeah man like I'm going to want to sit in the car with you while you tell me how much of a piece of shit I am then go grocery shop.

So now I'm out a trip to the store for who knows how long. Until this blows over which could be days.

I feel so small after this, I feel like I'm the world's most shittiest person.

  • SuperNovaCouchGuy2 [any]
    ·
    3 months ago

    I feel so small after this, I feel like I'm the world's most shittiest person.

    Brother assuming your name is not "Benjamin Nethanyahu", that spot is already taken with a long line of irredeemable assholes waiting to fill it, including that dad of yours.

  • Assian_Candor [comrade/them]
    ·
    3 months ago

    You don't have to take those calls, you know.

    "I don't like the way you're speaking to me, so I am going to hang up now. We can talk later."

    How is Mr. Softee doing today?

    • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      3 months ago

      You don't have to take those calls, you know.

      I know but I was worried he might be sick or something, usually he's never home this early so I had my guard down.

      How is Mr. Softee doing today?

      His new food is still bothering his stomach, he's napping in the kitchen.

      • LaGG_3 [he/him, comrade/them]
        ·
        3 months ago

        I know but I was worried he might be sick or something, usually he's never home this early so I had my guard down.

        Just remember to look out for yourself. If the conversation goes to a place you don't like, you should disengage.

        Too many people I know, including me lmao, have found this book useful. I obviously don't know your situation personally, but it wouldn't surprise me if it's relevant to you, too.

        • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]
          hexagon
          ·
          3 months ago

          Too many people I know, including me lmao, have found this book useful. I obviously don't know your situation personally, but it wouldn't surprise me if it's relevant to you, too.

          Thanks comrade.

      • conditional_soup@lemm.ee
        ·
        3 months ago

        I had a dad that was in poor health and also an abusive POS. He'll try to hang whatever he thinks he can, including his health, over you for control. The only way to win is not to play.

  • UlyssesT [he/him]
    ·
    3 months ago

    That's the freaky thing about abusive people: the abuse is so casual for them that they sometimes expect everyone else to move on from it just as fast as they do.

    I feel like I'm the world's most shittiest person.

    Absolutely not, but your dad is among the shittier for making you feel that way.

  • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]
    ·
    3 months ago

    The alternating approaches are not internally inconsistent; the motive is to continuously make you feel dependent, feel lesser.

    I had to put up with this for years in my late teens. It made me want to run away but I had no sense of how the world worked and therefore no plan of where I could run to.

    I hope there's someone in walking distance that you can confide in. Having this would have made my life back then immeasurably better.

    • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      3 months ago

      I hope there's someone in walking distance that you can confide in. Having this would have made my life back then immeasurably better.

      Used to be my mom but she's gone now.

    • NoLeftLeftWhereILive [none/use name, she/her]
      ·
      3 months ago

      I fully sympathize with you, my mom and grandfather were like this and I had to have two years of therapy around age 20 just to sort of start to understand why they would be so mean to me seemingly out of the blue. It did break me. In the end I came to the conclusion that not all parents like their kids or should be parents and I've been making my peace with that since.

      It's exactly the Bilbo thing. All the best to you and so many remote hugs, it abuse and it's vile.

  • Red_Sunshine_Over_Florida [he/him]
    ·
    edit-2
    3 months ago

    I hate it when people are verbally abusive like that. There are times when I'm in a similar situation, so I feel for you here. 💛

      • Red_Sunshine_Over_Florida [he/him]
        ·
        edit-2
        3 months ago

        I'm so sorry you have to go through that. From my own personal experience, it all really grinds a person down long term.

        In my own experience, it's never anything more than verbal for me but, I know previous generations of family went through what you described. It almost seems cyclical in some ways. I just want the cycle to be broken.

  • machiabelly [she/her]
    ·
    3 months ago

    I don't know whether you like to be called pretty, handsome, beautiful, or cute but you're all of them and more

    heart-sickle cat-trans af-heart

  • Lurkerino [comrade/them]
    ·
    3 months ago

    Undestand internally that everything he tells you is a proyection of him onto you, never believe it.

    I run away from home at 18 from my abusive mother, I hope you can be safe and explore what options you have to reduce the abuse.

    • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      3 months ago

      Show

      He's literally this scene from LOTR, one second he's kind and nice to me then he just snaps. You can imagine what it does for my mental health.

      • UlyssesT [he/him]
        ·
        3 months ago

        I've known people like that. They're monsters. The snaps back to "nice/normal" are part of the abuse, setting you up to get hurt again.

          • UlyssesT [he/him]
            ·
            3 months ago

            That is part of the abuse. It's deliberate, like a boxer lining up someone for another punch with a "rope a dope."

          • Pandantic [they/them]@midwest.social
            ·
            edit-2
            3 months ago

            Do you feel strong enough to push back in those moments that he’s berating you? Like someone else said, some people are so casual with their mean comments that they think people will snap back as quickly as they do. I get the impression that you are somewhat dependent on him at the moment, so if you can make the situation better by showing him you won’t just take the punches, it might be worth a shot.

            Also, you are more than what he thinks of you- remember that. Good luck, comrade.

          • keepcarrot [she/her]
            ·
            3 months ago

            And do you actually want to go for a ride or do you just feel obligated to?