Skip the slop: it’s hard enough to be the single side piece for my other friends, and I don’t think I can mentally take that designation in another relationship. I’m not the closest with this person, so I feel as though I should break the relationship off cleanly but would like to be respectful while doing so. How should I do that?
Slop below
spoiler
I have multiple friends (of all different genders) in my life which I am extremely thankful for but who are all partnered. To be quite honest though, I’ve never felt more lonely than hanging out with my partnered friends while tagging along as a single guy and the friendships no longer feel the same. It is always myself asking my friends to hang out and them bringing along their spouses or new partners (which they have the right to do but that doesn’t make it suck any less).
I had originally asked one of my last single friends if she was interested in going to a show with me a few weeks ago-It’s just a breath of fresh air to catch up with someone who is also in your same life position and alleviates the feeling of loneliness that comes with not having a +1 to share shit with. She texts me yesterday and asks if I would like to hang soon again, but then I learn that she is now partnered as well :(
hmm I think with my friends we regularly do activities where everyone brings their partner, and also stuff where it's the "original group". But, we've all know each other for a very long time, so maybe that makes things different. I also think it can be fun to hang out with a couple when you like both of them, but it's definitely weirder when you don't know the so.
Could you occasionally suggest stuff to do where there is a set number of people, like "I have three tickets to this show"? I guess they might just say no tho. Honestly it might turn out that as people find relationships your friends have less time and attention for you, and if you're lonely you'll have to meet some new people. Getting old sucks.
It’s getting old under a hyper-individualist culture :( There’s no place for singles in hell world
If you don't want to be friends with someone anymore because they're now in a relationship with someone, I think you maybe have jealousy issues.
Nah just tired of being the third wheel, it’s really dehumanizing
And I’ve known these people longer than they’ve known their partners, so it feels like an absolute gut punch to be dropped out of the blue and gives me the impression that I was just taking up space until they found “their person” or whatever
"Hey! I would like to hang out but to be honest I kinda had a crush on you and didn't realize you were in a relationship. I don't wanna make it weird being the third wheel... unless you got a single friend to set me up with :P"
That might leave things open for you in the future, or maybe they know someone they can set you up with. Idk I'm bad at this stuff too. Losing friends sucks though I know that.
But I didn’t have a crush on them is the problem, I just didn’t want to be the third wheel to someone’s date ya know?
This is just happening with all my friends and she was honestly the only person in my life who was not partnered, and we’d mentioned doing things platonically together before. But as luck would have it…
Idk I’m more pissed off than anything tbh, I probably just need won’t reach out again. Like I said, it’s hard enough to be the third wheel (or just being the only one existing without a partner) in all of my friendships. I genuinely don’t even know any other singles in my life (although I know I’m not alone and others I don’t know are in the same situation ).
This is made even worse by the fact that I have gotten through life fine without having a romantic relationship and just having close friends, but without that? My idea of fulfillment is having people in my life who are open to sharing thoughts and experiences. I can probably do without the physical and romantic intimacy, though I feel like my life would be a lot easier if I could just want what everyone else has
Also, ever heard of the word resentment? It’s clearly different than jealousy
Hey man, sorry that you're feeling this way in your friend circle, I'm kinda in a similar situation myself so I can empathize
To answer your actual question, I think something short and simple would probably be best. Start with a greeting, what you want, and why. An example would be something like, "Hey [name], I don't want to be friends anymore. I loved hanging out with you but I just don't want to feel like a third wheel". Add more detail if you want, maybe a sorry at the end. Use it more as a starting point. In the end it's up to you, that's just how would do it
