Aside from Laura Loomer obviously.
I will simply shoot myself in the stomach three times at five minutes to 24 hours.
Do a stump speech where I start off dismissing people call me a racist xenophobe by doing the usual “I love Mexicans, I have many good friends that are Mexican” bit but slowly start making it about how many I hire, how hard working they are, really more hard working than white people, “it’s true, I’m sorry, it’s true,” start denigrating white people as lazy, some vague allusion that I pulled some strings to make them “legal,” but also amping up the stereotyping language in describing Mexicans. Piss off both sides.
IDK the dysphoria would be pretty debilitating so probably cry
Shit my pants and then donate all my money (anonymously and secretly) to communist orgs
KMSAEAMAlt answer: get revenge on that NAFO dude, I still can't believe the would-be assassins keep missing.
Make a sweaty video post about how qanon is real. 
😮💨 Finish it by reading a list of core conspirator names that is just a list of everyone who ever slighted me 💅.
Then get into a high speed car chase and armed standoff with the cops. 
It's tempting to give some kind of surreal speech but honestly pretty hard to compete with my first thought which is contacting a bunch of my big donors and telling them that we need to have an emergency meeting in which everyone gathers together in one convenient location.
I’d tell all his kids that I love them and I’m proud of them. I feel like it would be fun to see how that plays out later.
Tell each of them individually that they are the favorite but not to tell the others this fact.
Have a family meeting with all my children. Produce a sealed folder. Tell them its a new will and the favorite child will get everything. Watch chaos unfold while eating a Filet o Fish sandwich. Take too big of a bite and die. Inside the folder is a Polaroid of me and Jeffrey Epstein with our names on the back written in glitter ink.
Jail Taylor Swift for being racist against white people.
Additional charges of being sexist against men but also possibly against women for “The Man”
That would somehow be the day there's a successful assassin and he'd get a new 32 year old body. He'd hate it cause he'd be poor but I'd like it less cause I'd be dead.
25 hour poison.
Alternatively
Convince MAGA that I have been replaced with a clone and should not be trusted.
End the Ukraine war in one day like he says he can. What do you mean he's bullshitting?
