My org has like 8 events on the calendar for this upcoming week and I'll need to attend at least 2-3. The first one isn't until tomorrow but seeing those updates just drained me of energy and now all I want to do is lay down and tune out the world.
I'm supposed to help an amazingly kind person who has helped me out a ton with a minor errand and i'm supposed to spend time with her and I wanna tell her nah i'm not up for it just out of existential dread and pre-emptive anxiety
The worst is having an end of day appointment. I'm thinking about it all day so I don't miss it and can't get anything done.
I suffer from this as well. Why isn't there a word to describe this condition? I bet the Germans have a precise term for it.
I feel like this concept would be incomprehensible for a German.
Yes.
The anticipation, and the undue dread from visualizing what would happen if I for some reason forgot or neglected those obligations, can be draining.
It especially sucks when it's things I can't do now even if I wanted to, where the waiting is part of the anticipation.
What really sucks is my org knows I'm autistic, they've been understanding of my difficulties in the past, but I can't just unlearn the lessons of a lifetime of being belittled and dismissed any time I tried to assert needs that neurotypical people decided didn't count.
Relatable.
I used to lead my tiny little old org but I took it so full-time seriously that I had no time or energy for anything else yet at the same time I was afraid it'd all fall apart without me if I so much as looked away for too long.
When I finally appointed someone to replace me and I couldn't get my old position back even if I wanted to, that was a massive relief.
yes, having one obligation in the evening can completely sap me for the entire day as i fixate on that one thing i have to do later. then i get irritable about how i never have any time and basically turn into gradgrind's wife from 'hard times' "Upon my word and honour I seem to be fated, and destined, and ordained, to live in the midst of things that I am never to hear the last of. It really is a most extraordinary circumstance that it appears as if I never was to hear the last of anything!'"
Oh yeah, that’s me.
I’m fine with obligations as long as it’s far enough ahead so I can plan down time before hand.
