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bean pod burger
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banana peel bacon
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just a mat of celery fiber
I got some impossible brand beef tips recently because I wanted some yummy soy nuggies, but they had the weird fatty texture and taste of real meat. Horrible. My grocery store doesn't stock any kind of pre-prepared vegan protein things that I can take to work except imitation meat, either.
I feel that. I want to eat something meaty, but that doesn't mean I want to eat something that tastes like meat, you know?
Honestly I made a similar joke recently, "Plant based burger implies the existence of meat cringe burger"
I saw that one, thought "okay but meat being cringe is easy, I need to put too much effort into this," and spent the next couple months trying to come up with the worst plant-based meat ideas I could come up with (but honestly only celery fiber mat is a winner, that sounds real awful).
Okay but banana peel bacon is a thing. Scrape the fiber off the inside of the peel, marinade in smoke, soy, sugar, whatever, then bake until crispy. I've never made it, but I can see it working as like a substitute for crispy bacon bits maybe.
The chipotle pea protein chorizo was the most plant-cringe meat to ever exist.
I see pea protein, I gag. Instant turn off in an ingredient list. Same with monkfruit.
The sofritas are good and what I always get. A couple years ago that had a vegan chorizo that was pea protein based that was complete ass, like to the point that I'd say it was probably a meat industry psyop against vegan alternatives.
