hi this is basically the only place i feel comfortable sharing my inner stuff i wouldnt usually say to anyone so emh lol read if you want
i dont like listening to music. i almost never do. i was a bit shocked when i learned people listen to it all the time in the background. i have almost no musical taste and i always listen to pretty weird songs as a result (my most searched music thing on yt is probably "vsauce music"). i know it isnt a real issue and i can do whatever i want but i feel like im missing out or im being left out, idk.
i also almost never read. i dont know what was the last book i read on my own. i also see people who read a lot and have a huge literary culture and all but i really dont do any of it. as a result im not the best at expressing myself through language and i have very low attention spans when reading books and i cant get lost easily. the last book i might have read was the great gatsby which was for school, i only read like 7 chapters and i needed to be aided by an audiobook to follow along. in the end watching the movie i just saw i didnt understand much at all after all. teachers really wanted me to read more but i really didnt liek it so it always feels like a joke to me when people tell me to read this or that book.
i also have some issues with studying properly and assimilating school stuff, everybody at my age probably has a solidified method to study and learn but i kinda dont. i just read until i remember it.
i also dont really have a lot of... stuff in general i do. i dont have anything that qualifies really as a hobby. i didnt do sports, i dont draw. i really dont like going outside of my house. i mostly browse the internet and chill. im fine with this really but i cant avoid the feeling that im missing out and that i behave too lethargically; ideally i'd stay home sleeping all day or just watching videos/talking to friends/posting but it's fine with me. i just feel like im missing out on better stuff. (i do not think i am depressed. i was a year or so ago, now not really anymore)
i dont really have a lot of friends? lately it's getting better since i managed to see people at physical school for some weeks. this summer i felt like i had no irl friends, 5-6 people online i talk to regularly and one best friend i've never met face to face, so it's really not a lot. people at school didnt dislike me but i felt like they arent really friends but just very kind people. but lately it's gotten better since i got more of my personality more and people like me for that and since we managed to connect more after school without me having to leave my house by chatting on discord playing among us.
i was abroad for a while last year and a person there told me i should test for autism or adhd idk lol. thanks for reading my rant
How did you like the audiobooks? Do you think you would enjoy listening to those more?
I ask because my partner recently discovered audiobooks and he enjoys them greatly. I think he’s physically read maybe 2 complete books in his life. I’m almost certain he has undiagnosed dyslexia and struggled a lot with school. Now that he’s listening to books, he thinks of it as “cheating,” like reading should be work. So I am encouraging him to just think of the audiobook as another format that delivers the material better for him. Personally, I’m terrible at listening to books, so I think it just depends on the person and what appeals to their intake style.
I think some people have a lower need for socialization than others, too. I have about 5 close friends and none of them live nearby. They are people I was irl friends with from work or school before one of us moved away but managed to maintain the friendship. And even those will ebb and flow. But I don’t feel a strong desire to be out doing things with friends either. Some people are drained by social interaction and some gain energy from it. I am definitely drained by it and need alone time, even from my partner, to recover after a big family event or whatever. I still get along with work and school acquaintances alright, but I’m happy to keep those relationships at work/school.
i liked reading with the aid of an audio source so i dont get distracted (i have bad attention spans and i used to do all my homework until in high school in presence of some adult so i dont get distracted) but it wasnt great. i still had problems following and imagining stuff correctly but maybe it's just me being defeatist.
i always felt pretty asocial but maybe it was a sense of misanthropy as in who are these people i dont care at all about them. i enjoy hanging around some people but i get pretty discomforted the moment they ignore me or i cant fit in the conversation. fortunately i foudn some people who, idk, hype me? as in they like what i have to say and call me nice incouraging things (ppl wanted to become class rappresentative cos i like to talk shit about stuff so ppl call me mr president (ew presidents amirite fellow lefties??))