hi this is basically the only place i feel comfortable sharing my inner stuff i wouldnt usually say to anyone so emh lol read if you want
i dont like listening to music. i almost never do. i was a bit shocked when i learned people listen to it all the time in the background. i have almost no musical taste and i always listen to pretty weird songs as a result (my most searched music thing on yt is probably "vsauce music"). i know it isnt a real issue and i can do whatever i want but i feel like im missing out or im being left out, idk.
i also almost never read. i dont know what was the last book i read on my own. i also see people who read a lot and have a huge literary culture and all but i really dont do any of it. as a result im not the best at expressing myself through language and i have very low attention spans when reading books and i cant get lost easily. the last book i might have read was the great gatsby which was for school, i only read like 7 chapters and i needed to be aided by an audiobook to follow along. in the end watching the movie i just saw i didnt understand much at all after all. teachers really wanted me to read more but i really didnt liek it so it always feels like a joke to me when people tell me to read this or that book.
i also have some issues with studying properly and assimilating school stuff, everybody at my age probably has a solidified method to study and learn but i kinda dont. i just read until i remember it.
i also dont really have a lot of... stuff in general i do. i dont have anything that qualifies really as a hobby. i didnt do sports, i dont draw. i really dont like going outside of my house. i mostly browse the internet and chill. im fine with this really but i cant avoid the feeling that im missing out and that i behave too lethargically; ideally i'd stay home sleeping all day or just watching videos/talking to friends/posting but it's fine with me. i just feel like im missing out on better stuff. (i do not think i am depressed. i was a year or so ago, now not really anymore)
i dont really have a lot of friends? lately it's getting better since i managed to see people at physical school for some weeks. this summer i felt like i had no irl friends, 5-6 people online i talk to regularly and one best friend i've never met face to face, so it's really not a lot. people at school didnt dislike me but i felt like they arent really friends but just very kind people. but lately it's gotten better since i got more of my personality more and people like me for that and since we managed to connect more after school without me having to leave my house by chatting on discord playing among us.
i was abroad for a while last year and a person there told me i should test for autism or adhd idk lol. thanks for reading my rant
Always happy to help comrade.
Do you have any other specifc interests? Is the state of things causing you any distress?
I know I have the ADHD and that does sound quite a bit like how I can relate to the world.
i mean not really causing me distress day to day. I can get pretty upset and sad when people point it out, and i have this reaction where i just wanna sit on my bed and stay put for a bit.
i have some interests. but it's mostly passive stuff. stuff that i want to hear about and crap. i do some world building but i dont write it down anywhere so. i'd like to pick up drawing in my next future. i mostly just hang out in my room which isnt particularly exciting. i really like math and physics and i hope i can become a teacher somewhere cos the actual world of work scares me to bits and you cant do much with a math degree that isnt like a banker which i absolutely dont want to become. i am scared to come out as pan and trans and i dont know if ill ever come out publically (especially for the latter since i want that particular job)
It would be fascile to say it sounds likenyou have some ADD and it would be good to get tested. It'd rule it out worse case, but if trratment is an option it is nice to be able to decide how you are going to feel that day. I suppose the field test would be to drink a bang and see if it makes you feel focoused and attentive or hyperactive.
However, sounds like you got a lot on your plate at the moment and it could be lots of stuff. I know clinically they useually try to rule out depression and anxiety with ADD. Turns out some people with those have trouble focusing, surpise surprise. And having big doubts about identity and the future can be co-morbid with those
If you're in a position to, maybe you should get diagnosed and get medication. In terms of general advice, there is nothing wrong with Audio books. I think it was scientifically established that reading or listening to the book activates the same part of the brain. For music, just start randomly, visit forums, or ask people, and maybe the youtube recommendation algorithm will help you find something you like. Edit: One thing which got me into music were movie soundtracks. Maybe you can start from there And always feel free to rant here.
Cheers comradehhh i dont really want to force myself to listen to music, it's just that me not having an opinion on such a big cultural thing makes me feel left out. and tbh i do listen to music but it's not capital M music, like videogame soundtracks and from shows and the occasional thing i listen on the radio. i once had a friend over when i was young and she asked me what music i liked and i showed her a piece from terraria and she laughed at me 😖 (we are on good terms now lol it was years ago)
same deal for audiobooks, i dont really have any drive to read them i just feel less cultured and missing out by avoiding them and people who like em
Don't go into stuff with the aim of looking cultured. Rather with the aim of getting informed, to enlighten yourself. To experience the wonders of the world, and the fascinating aspects of life. Just put in a little effort to know stuff for yourself, that is what will help you keep getting into more and more stuff. Fill your social media with the good stuff. Like all the cool pages on FB, follow all cool people on twitter, join all the cool subreddits. Try to find your way into that culture.
The Terraria soundtrack is pretty good tough lol (Minecraft, too, of course). Just a thought, do you ever wonder what inspired that soundtrack or any other piece ? Maybe there's a lot of really great music out there that are really close to what you enjoy listening.. maybe much better.. I guess that's the kind of curiosity that leads to enjoyment, and maybe something so deeply powerful you'll be changed forever. It's pretty worth it to explore if you're curious about it, but you can definitively live without. It's about a connection with other people through something else than language, or maybe more important, a deeper connection to yourself. But a lot of things in life can do that, too. Just differently.
There a no capital M music, but there are music that had more influence than others, that are more complicated to understand, that need more time to accomodate to dive into, or that are completely different than other music to the point that people that listen to music don't like it either. It's almost like a human being, you need to put a bit of yourself to understand it. At first it can be a lot of effort but it gets easier. Then as you know it very well you gradually need to push harder to go beyond, but that's another stage. And music is in some ways part of a human being. Even better, as you say, it can be part of a whole population, and equally "theirs" as they are all touched by it and all have their own understanding and appreciation of it.
I have the autism and the adhd and was going down your list thinking "yup, yup, yup, yup" so yeah if you think a diagnosis might help you then you might wanna look into it. (esp since medication for adhd can be very helpful for regulating your attention better so you can just like... do the stuff you wanna do instead of going "I should do x... I should do it. Get up and go do it. Go. Okay go on 3. 1... 2...3... why am I not going" every 15 minutes for 3 hours until you finally do it or completely forget)
thank you! (that description checks out a lot, guess what i've been doing all today)
idk if i wanna take medication, i heard a lot of people get screwed over because of it
How did you like the audiobooks? Do you think you would enjoy listening to those more?
I ask because my partner recently discovered audiobooks and he enjoys them greatly. I think he’s physically read maybe 2 complete books in his life. I’m almost certain he has undiagnosed dyslexia and struggled a lot with school. Now that he’s listening to books, he thinks of it as “cheating,” like reading should be work. So I am encouraging him to just think of the audiobook as another format that delivers the material better for him. Personally, I’m terrible at listening to books, so I think it just depends on the person and what appeals to their intake style.
I think some people have a lower need for socialization than others, too. I have about 5 close friends and none of them live nearby. They are people I was irl friends with from work or school before one of us moved away but managed to maintain the friendship. And even those will ebb and flow. But I don’t feel a strong desire to be out doing things with friends either. Some people are drained by social interaction and some gain energy from it. I am definitely drained by it and need alone time, even from my partner, to recover after a big family event or whatever. I still get along with work and school acquaintances alright, but I’m happy to keep those relationships at work/school.
i liked reading with the aid of an audio source so i dont get distracted (i have bad attention spans and i used to do all my homework until in high school in presence of some adult so i dont get distracted) but it wasnt great. i still had problems following and imagining stuff correctly but maybe it's just me being defeatist.
i always felt pretty asocial but maybe it was a sense of misanthropy as in who are these people i dont care at all about them. i enjoy hanging around some people but i get pretty discomforted the moment they ignore me or i cant fit in the conversation. fortunately i foudn some people who, idk, hype me? as in they like what i have to say and call me nice incouraging things (ppl wanted to become class rappresentative cos i like to talk shit about stuff so ppl call me mr president (ew presidents amirite fellow lefties??))
If you don't mind saying, what kind of music have you tried listening to (both likes and dislikes), and what specific characteristics in music to you like/dislike and why?
As an example, I definitely have ADHD and I'm pretty into EDM/electronic music but I only really like certain genres and styles. One of the main electronic music genres I listen to is Drum & Bass, and I like it mainly because its very fast paced and focuses heavily on breakbeats and heavy basslines, which I guess I find particularly stimulating as someone with ADHD. A lot of the songs in the genre (and a lot of the music I listen to in general) focus pretty heavily on sound design as well, which I personally like to day dream about movie scenes, music videos, landscapes, etc. that would fit the music while I listen to it. I particularly like sounds that are either ambient, or are very electric/bass-heavy/growly (doesn't sound quite the same, but imagine a foghorn lol).
Also, some of the music I like for more practical reasons: I like certain Drum & Bass styles, as well as House/Techno because they provide a steady and simple groove that makes it easy to use as background noise while I do work, and I like mallsoft/chillwave/vaporwave because it helps to relax me when I'm trying to focus or chill out.
As you said, it's not really an issue to not be into music, but from your post and your comments you do seem to have a preference towards more sort of ambient music, which implies to me at least that you do have a taste in music, just not necessarily one you've explored or really place any emphasis on (which is fine of course, I'm just wondering if you may not necessarily be listening to music you'd like, and thats why you say you don't like music).
thanks for the comment
i meant to say that i dont listen to music liek toher people do, so really popular stuff is completely out of my radar and i feel a bit meh about it. i dont listen to music often, i sometiems seee something suggested on youtube and click it for a bit and then go back to silent.
if you want to know i was listening to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPJDB8zQ2J8&list=PLoQfbV08v8BxCLy7x9fx0RCf9rAC7IhiS&index=3 becuase it gives me a cool vibe. i wasnt joking when i say i search "vsauce music playlist", it's full of that sort of stuff plus it gives me nostalgia (even though i've seen ppl criticize the guy on this website >:c ) and it helped me out when i was in a bad moment some time ago.
some times i listen to some other music because of the vibe it gives me or becuase i've heard of it online; i like jojo's and they do a lot of music references, for example i listen to this which is a pretty kickass song which gives masculine vibes which i sometimes want despite my gender
other than that idk im sorry, i just feel like i dont experience life normally or in the best way
I meant to say that I don't listen to music like other people do, so really popular stuff is completely out of my radar
Yeah I get that. I listened to popular stuff for a bit back in middle school, mainly because it was on the radio, but around the same time I discovered electronic music through my dad's Pandora stations, and then just kind of got sucked in through YouTube/soundcloud algorithm recommendations and looking through Wikipedia articles on music I was interested in.
other than that idk I'm sorry, I just feel like I don't experience life normally or in the best way
That's fine, and the music you linked was pretty cool actually (though not stuff I'd personally go out of my way to listen to), I just found the idea of someone not really being into music somewhat fascinating as I'm someone who's constantly listening to music. Granted, I guess a lot of the time I'm listening to music as a coping mechanism for my ADHD, and not purely for enjoyment, so I'm probably not experiencing life normally either lol.
