hi this is basically the only place i feel comfortable sharing my inner stuff i wouldnt usually say to anyone so emh lol read if you want
i dont like listening to music. i almost never do. i was a bit shocked when i learned people listen to it all the time in the background. i have almost no musical taste and i always listen to pretty weird songs as a result (my most searched music thing on yt is probably "vsauce music"). i know it isnt a real issue and i can do whatever i want but i feel like im missing out or im being left out, idk.
i also almost never read. i dont know what was the last book i read on my own. i also see people who read a lot and have a huge literary culture and all but i really dont do any of it. as a result im not the best at expressing myself through language and i have very low attention spans when reading books and i cant get lost easily. the last book i might have read was the great gatsby which was for school, i only read like 7 chapters and i needed to be aided by an audiobook to follow along. in the end watching the movie i just saw i didnt understand much at all after all. teachers really wanted me to read more but i really didnt liek it so it always feels like a joke to me when people tell me to read this or that book.
i also have some issues with studying properly and assimilating school stuff, everybody at my age probably has a solidified method to study and learn but i kinda dont. i just read until i remember it.
i also dont really have a lot of... stuff in general i do. i dont have anything that qualifies really as a hobby. i didnt do sports, i dont draw. i really dont like going outside of my house. i mostly browse the internet and chill. im fine with this really but i cant avoid the feeling that im missing out and that i behave too lethargically; ideally i'd stay home sleeping all day or just watching videos/talking to friends/posting but it's fine with me. i just feel like im missing out on better stuff. (i do not think i am depressed. i was a year or so ago, now not really anymore)
i dont really have a lot of friends? lately it's getting better since i managed to see people at physical school for some weeks. this summer i felt like i had no irl friends, 5-6 people online i talk to regularly and one best friend i've never met face to face, so it's really not a lot. people at school didnt dislike me but i felt like they arent really friends but just very kind people. but lately it's gotten better since i got more of my personality more and people like me for that and since we managed to connect more after school without me having to leave my house by chatting on discord playing among us.
i was abroad for a while last year and a person there told me i should test for autism or adhd idk lol. thanks for reading my rant
hhh i dont really want to force myself to listen to music, it's just that me not having an opinion on such a big cultural thing makes me feel left out. and tbh i do listen to music but it's not capital M music, like videogame soundtracks and from shows and the occasional thing i listen on the radio. i once had a friend over when i was young and she asked me what music i liked and i showed her a piece from terraria and she laughed at me 😖 (we are on good terms now lol it was years ago)
same deal for audiobooks, i dont really have any drive to read them i just feel less cultured and missing out by avoiding them and people who like em
Don't go into stuff with the aim of looking cultured. Rather with the aim of getting informed, to enlighten yourself. To experience the wonders of the world, and the fascinating aspects of life. Just put in a little effort to know stuff for yourself, that is what will help you keep getting into more and more stuff. Fill your social media with the good stuff. Like all the cool pages on FB, follow all cool people on twitter, join all the cool subreddits. Try to find your way into that culture.
yes i meant that lol
The Terraria soundtrack is pretty good tough lol (Minecraft, too, of course). Just a thought, do you ever wonder what inspired that soundtrack or any other piece ? Maybe there's a lot of really great music out there that are really close to what you enjoy listening.. maybe much better.. I guess that's the kind of curiosity that leads to enjoyment, and maybe something so deeply powerful you'll be changed forever. It's pretty worth it to explore if you're curious about it, but you can definitively live without. It's about a connection with other people through something else than language, or maybe more important, a deeper connection to yourself. But a lot of things in life can do that, too. Just differently.
There a no capital M music, but there are music that had more influence than others, that are more complicated to understand, that need more time to accomodate to dive into, or that are completely different than other music to the point that people that listen to music don't like it either. It's almost like a human being, you need to put a bit of yourself to understand it. At first it can be a lot of effort but it gets easier. Then as you know it very well you gradually need to push harder to go beyond, but that's another stage. And music is in some ways part of a human being. Even better, as you say, it can be part of a whole population, and equally "theirs" as they are all touched by it and all have their own understanding and appreciation of it.